Liz's Random Thoughts

Interesting fact

2011-11-08T22:19:00.000-08:00

I believe I am ancient.

At the Bible Study for middle school girls that I co-lead, the girls were calling my co-leader "old". She is younger then me...So apparently if she is old...I'm ancient...at 21.
Figures, I mean it goes so well with my hearing loss, back problems, random aches and pains, ya know...old peoples problems;)

Thought that was kind of ironic...

Lately...

My life has been beyond crazy, and this whole growing up thing is happening.
Like most of it...The whole being 'responsible' thing, isn't SUPER hard, as my family always seemed to expect me to always be responsible. Kinda sucked while growing up, but now I can appreciate it. I know what my limits are, and how even when you think you can't go any farther, you can still keep going.
Anyways...Fall is a crazy time of year, but things have been perking up. Even my attitude, which I believe my roommates have been appreciating :P
If they ever wanted to know what I'm really like they should ask my family...As they know...And somehow still love me.
I have a pretty great family;)

~Liz

New place

2011-08-25T01:54:00.000-07:00

My last week:

Wedding, moved out, moved in, 1 best friend/sister leaving for school, 1 is now new roommate,
Job done, looking for more like crazy.

Simple post eh?
Yep...
~Liz

ME

2011-08-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've thought a lot about this,
I've tried it your way,
But I have since realized,
That my life is my own.
So you see...

This facade I have been living,
Has been made up by you,
You think I'm smart, sweet and all things good,
All things everyone wants to see,
And all I gotta say is...
I just wanna be me!

Me,
The person who God created me to BE
Me,
The person who has so many dreams and hopes
ME,
The person who has yet been allowed to be set free,

This letter of sorts,
Is just to inform you that I no longer care,
About anything the world may say about me,
Just because I chose to be
ME.

2011-08-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

FYI: Being a girl, is annoying, expensive, fun, and awesome. Just a lil fact...

I love summer, it is warm, sunny, pretty can go do stuff. Wear awesome clothes, and not have to worry about rain;) Okay...STILL have to worry about that...but it is the PNW what else do you expect?

God is doing some pretty amazing things in my life right now, some of it is causing me to realize that I have grown. Which is bittersweet, certain friends I use to be oh so close too, we have grown apart. But is God is gracious and has given me even more friends who except me for who I am.
He is the loving Father everyone says He is, truly! Gifted to me a job, in an environment which is better then any other job I have ever had. Where people are so nice I am still waiting for them to crack and do something crazy. ;)
I love it! I love people, I love God, I sound preppy but I really don't care right now.
God is great, yeah tough times still come, I still get down and have depressing moments.
But HE is still there, no matter where I am in life, no matter what I do, He is still right beside me loving me.
Always.
This fact, is what makes living worth while.
Today, I chose to love life, to love God, to have faith that everything is going to work out. Why?
Because God's got it!

~Liz

FYI

2011-07-23T01:27:00.000-07:00

I've said I would be busy until the middle of July...Well...
Looking more like September now..;)
I love life...some days it is rougher then most...
But God's got it:-)
~Liz

Meh

2011-07-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

Everything is hurting right now..mostly just my heart.
No one seems to really care all that much or really get it.
Which I suppose is fine, as I generally don't let people see my heart or what I truly think.
People may think they know me, but they really don't.
My heart is currently breaking for my friend, my "sister", who lost her father last year.
And this year her boyfriend who she had her whole life planned around and with, broke up with her.
I wish I could fix it...
I really wish I could...
I have another friend who looked me in the eye and said she wanted nothing to do with God,
I have other friends who barely speak to me anymore,
I have others who don't even seem to care whether if I live or I die.
I'm not trying to complain...or gossip or anything..
Simply overwhelmed...
With no one to really talk too..who would understand...:-/

I'm trying so hard to live a life that is pleasing,
I keep pushing on to my limits, each and every day,
I try not to complain, I try to do my very best.
But yet I'm still scared that I'm gonna screw this up,
I know God, that You will always forgive me,
That You sir have my back even to the very bitter end,
But my LORD it isn't You who I worry about,
It is all these people, that have been placed in my life.
What happens if I let them down?
What if they don't get it?
What if all I am is a fake?
How could I ever continue to live this way?
All this pressure, all this worry God,
Please take it from me,
I can't live like this, no sir not anymore.
My heart is officially hurting, please come and heal me,
Make me new again,
Let others know God, that I'm not perfect,
But please God?
Let them see that I'm a stone, I'm not a robot...
That really..inside?
All I am...
Is just like them.
Broken and hurting, scared and alone.
Wishing and wondering, what this life will bring.
I may act like I got it all,
But reality is...
I don't.

FACT: I am human.
FACT: I have a semi-low self esteem at times. If people ignore me, I will wreck my brain trying to see if I have ticked them off, or done something to deserve it.
FACT: I blame myself or take the blame of things with rarely arguing about it, unless you are my best friend or family.
FACT: I am a broken person, without God, I am nothing.
FACT: I rarely am ever this honest about how I really feel.

~Liz

My Thoughts

2011-07-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

Many thoughts are running through my head,
Heartbreak and heartaches,
Many of different kinds and different ways,
Each stabbing like a knife and twisting in like a screw.
Leaving you there to wither and bleed,
Crying out seems to do no good,
No one sees the tears on anyones faces,
No can hear the silent screams for help,
Many thoughts are running through my head,
I see the pain and misery everywhere I go,
I see how people need our Fathers love,
I feel how desperate the world just is,
Why doesn't everyone understand this?
That this world, this pain won't last forever,
Our God, He's got a plan bigger then us all,
We are, but small things, our lives are just fleeting by,
There is something bigger happening now,
He sent His son, to die upon a cross,
For our sin, so we can live forever with Him,
And be able to forget about all our pain and misery,
He will forever dry our tears, bandage the broken, stop the bleeding,
To keep us from suffering anymore.
One day, this will all come true,
We shall forever praise His name on that day,
And live in glory with Him.
Someday...all my thoughts shall be of Him, and Him alone.
Right now, I'm struggling to see past my daily trials and hurts,
But I'm holding on to this hope that I have just written out for you...
As these are just...
My thoughts...

:-)

2011-07-02T23:19:00.000-07:00

Oddness...2007 I was studying for my GED, 2008 I was just hanging out doing a bunch of nada...2009 I had a job...2010 I was in Cannon Beach OR, 2011 I'm a summer intern within my church. From the time I was done with high school...till now...God has been constantly working miracles in my life...I'm in awe.
Yes, hard times will still get me down, I will still have doubts...
But yet I still sense Him, I know He is there, my faith is what keeps me going.
Without Him I would be nothing.
With Him I can be and do anything.
He has proven that over and over again to me,
I am SO excited for this summer.
My story is not complete, I'm still growing, I'm still maturing...
I'm still His child:-)
Forever and ever His beloved!
What an awesome thing to be able to say!!!
~Liz

2011-07-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Positive things and positive thinking always out weighs the negativeness of this life.
If I start thinking negatively...there goes my whole outlook on the day...
If I think positively...my focus isn't just on me...but God.
Negative thinking is a gateway to a pity party and self serving purposes.
Positive thinking..helps us keep our focus on God.
So is my theory...
Now if only I can master it...

~Liz

2011-06-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited my head is about to explode,
Life is so great, so up beat and so wonderful,
All because of You,
There isn't anything that You can't do,
Oh God, I just want to praise Your name forever.
My life use to be so depressing, so worthless and meaningless.
I felt lost and alone, scared and I cried out!
And You listened, yes You listened.
For this I just want to Thank You LORD,
Nothing in my own power could have work out this great,
This, my life, everything, is all because of You.
You have my life, You have my heart LORD.
Everything I am, is Yours.
So I place myself at your mercy, where You send me, I shall go.
Nothing will ever stand between us, as You will never leave me.
So I trust in You, my life would be nothing without You.
So with You, I shall go far,
I thank You for everything You have done and will do God. :-)

~Liz

I like life :)

2011-06-27T00:05:00.001-07:00

Eastern Escape=SUCCESS!

I didn't die,
No one else died,
I'm not missing any body parts....Someone else came kinda close though...
Oh it was freezing, and I had a ton of fun.
Tis all it is late,
I work in the am...
Gnight...
~Liz

:-)

2011-06-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

Summer is here.
College retreat this week,
Babysitting 22 hrs next,
Middle School day camp next 2 weeks,
Then High School camp,
and I think that is all I have signed up to do.
Plus, co-leading 2 bible studies starting a week from this Friday,
Regular Sun. AM Middle School Group,
And babysitting off and on and life.
SO
I'm gonna be busy until after the middle of July.
I am so excited!:D

Also...
Doc apps this week..yay...;)

Anyways...
Life is good,
It is in your perspective that makes it what it is :)
~Liz

Harvest

2011-06-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

Staring at the field,
Ripe for harvest,
You've sent us out,
Every day, every hour to till, plant and sow the ground.
For this...
A harvest

It is harvest time!
Come to gather,
Come to glean,
It is harvest time!
We must celebrate!
The wonders our LORD has done,

Let us hasten to the fields,
To harvest all of our fruits,
Let us be wise and not waste our time,
Let us be quick to give thanks to the One who has provided for us,
The One who made this all possible...

It is harvest time!

Come to gather,

Come to glean,

It is harvest time!

We must celebrate!

The wonders our LORD has done!

We've done all we've could,

We put our everything into this earth,

To proclaim His name,

Now the time is near,

To harvest the ground,

He is coming again,

We must be prepared...

It is harvest time!

Come one! Come all!

Let us gather together,

We must celebrate!

The wonders our LORD has done,

~Liz M.

Blah

2011-06-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

Sucking it up and dealing with life.
Just isn't working tonight.

2011-06-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

Crazy weekend.
Really crazy day.
But that is my life..
The crazy way...

I miss Barb.
I think she should move here.
So much so, I have dedicated a Facebook group for that as well as now a blog post;)
Just to seem like the creeper best friend/ex roomie that I am...;)
And also just because...well I can...and no one else is going too.
So there! :)
Miss you hun!
~Liz

6 months

2011-06-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

It has been 6 months since I took a fall down some stairs and as I like to say ruined my back...
But...
Not really mostly exaggerating...Not sure what I did, pop it out of place? And because of that I can no longer sit with my back straight against the wall? Sitting or standing for long periods of time makes me wanna scream? I have a chiropractor I go see once in a while now?
Yay me! I'm 21 years of age and I have a back problem just like my parents...and I have a funny feeling it isn't going away anytime soon...
A couple of weekends ago I fell unto concrete (my own fault..) and bruised both of my knees and now they haven't stopped buggin' me. I also drive a manual trannie...so I suppose that doesn't help them either...Neither does my bad posture or sitting on my legs...but shh;)
So all in all.
I feel OLD.
I am not old.
But physically I feel it some days...
Seriously!
I'm 50% deaf in both ears, asthmatic, I have a bad back, and now my knees are acting up.
I'm telling ya! I'm starting to sound like my 83 yr old grandmother!
Pretty soon I'll be comparing meds and etc with other people...:P
Okay...so maybe not THAT extreme....But close;)
Doesn't help when I look at the kids I use to babysit and they are almost as tall as me and headin' to high school....
Or my "lil second cousins" are now frosh and sophs in high school as well...
For once and for all...
I admit...
Life is passing by WAY too fast...
And I feel old...
Now everyone who is older then I, will say something along the lines that life is still young...and I totally agree! It is and I am excited for my future!
But I still feel old...and I don't think that feeling will ever really go away....
Oh well...
At least I don't have any grey hairs to worry about...yet...
Then again...neither does my grandmother...
Hehe...

Some days you have to take into consideration...Life is hilarious
And God has got everything in control...

Now if you forgive me I need to go find this pin I misplaced....It is around here somewhere....I hope....I pray?
Oh dear.....

~Liz

PS Please excuse my horrible grammar....again...and again....

As much...

2011-05-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

As I dislike disclaimers...I feel as though I should make one...or at least an explanation of sorts.

The writings that have been posted on this blog in the last month or so...Have been depressing.

I realize that, but I want others to know that I am not depressed nor considering suicide.

I am apart of a leadership program at my church and as a group we watched a movie called "To Save A Life", it made me stop and think, when I stop and think..I write.

This blog is where I post the writings.

So I am not depressed nor should anyone be worried.

Get it? Got it? Good :-)
I just want people to stop and think, that is all.
Think about life, think about others. We as people get so caught up in our own worlds that we forget about others. That my friends is a tragedy. I do it myself it is something I struggle with and I hate it, Christ put others first, Christ loved others, even the outcasts.
My goal in life is to be like Christ, what is your goal?

~Liz

2011-05-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

Lost and alone,
Scared and confused,
Is what so many people are.

Don't they see?
What is beyond the clouds?
A place of peace, a place of healing,
But wait, please don't take the shortcut,
Please don't end it just yet,
As you see, we are here for a reason
A purpose..
And if you end it all now...
What will your story be?

A story of loss, of pain, of heartache
Of a stone thrown in a calm water causes ripples...
You are the stone and the ripples you would leave,
Even more pain behind...

Peoples hearts would torn about,

Ripped open for the world to see,

The truth of this matter is,

Ending it all doesn't bring peace

Yes I know, being depressed is a sickness,

It isn't something easily overcome,

The temptations are always there,

But honestly what good does ending it do?

Can't you see, the people left behind?

Crying and aching,

All because you chose a selfish choice?

Please consider this carefully..

Please read these words slowly...

There are many who love you, many who care about you.

And even in the times when it doesn't feel like anyone does at all....

Consider this...

God does...

He cares more for you then anyone ever could.

He created you for a purpose,

Please don't end it too soon...

As your story is more then this,

Your story can be so much better then this...

After the rains come the flowers and the sun

Please just hold on till the sun comes out again

Reach out and ask for help,

You are not alone,

You are not worthless.

No one is.

No one ever will be.

Take a deep breathe...

And live!

If anyone is considering suicide or knows/hears of someone who is,

Please seek help right away,
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

And remember...be their friend, as everyone needs one.

~Liz

2011-05-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

I look to You
I look into Your eyes,
I see the pain and the heartache this world has caused...
We go our own path, think only of ourselves...
Can we not understand how selfish this world has become,
What we have become?

I want to run to You,
As I know You accept for who I am,
You are here, You always will be,
No matter what happens or what I do
I know I can run to You

You are the safe place, a hiding place that I can go too
You are the one, the only one who understands
You see the hurting, You see the ignored..
And You don't overlook

Why can't people do as You do?
Why can't people hear like You do?
I'm lost, alone, confused and frightened.
I want to end it all,
I want to do so many things,
So I'll scream out Your name!

I want to run to You,

As I know You accept for who I am,

You are here, You always will be,

No matter what happens or what I do

I know I can run to You

Please...

You hear me, You see me,

Please...

Let others hear and see me too...

Just because I have a smile on my face,

A quick laugh and always there...

Doesn't mean..

I'm okay.

The biggest lies ever told are usually the ones people tell after being asked if they are okay...

~Liz

2011-05-24T22:30:00.001-07:00

She

No one sees, the tears on her face,

No one breaks through the walls she has put forth

No one gets, how much she wants to be free,

No one can understand because they never try...

They see a smile and assume its alright,

They think she's okay within the group she's in.

But do they ever ask?

Do they ever ask?

One day they will wish they had, but then it will be too late.

She'll have gone above, to seek His face.

Peace is the only thing she's ever wanted,

Love is the only thing she has ever craved..

To have both unconditionally is all she's ever cared about...

Oh why, oh why didn't they ask?

Does anyone see the pain she feels?

Do they stop to ask how her day is really going?

What's at stake? What is at risk?

Her life.

She's crying out, she's begging to be found out,

Wanting people to know that she is struggling,

She needs help, oh please can't you hear her cries in the middle of the night?!

She's screaming up at God,

Wondering why she is here, wondering why nothing is seemingly going right?

Can't she see? The bigger picture...

Why can't we all see the bigger picture

It's not about us,

It isn't about our lives..

It is about what we can do for HIM and HIS glory.

All the pain, all the hurt can be washed away by HIS love,

He is the giver of peace,

He is the one true thing.

We all try to live on our own,

To be who we think we ought to be,

But why...but why can't we see?

We need help...

~Liz

2011-05-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

Old FB Notes....

When your worlds been shaken

When it feels like its falling apart

Who can you turn too?

Who can you go too?

Where do you go when your heart is bleeding?

Where do you go when you can't think straight?

What do you do?

Who can you turn too?

What do you do when your best friend has been taken?

What do you do when all you can do is cry?

What can you do?

Who will understand this pain....

The pain, it brings on the tears like the poring rain...

And you can't help, but just spend the whole night crying...

It sucks to realize, that theres nothing you can do, will ever make it better...

It sucks to know that you might be miles away from being able to do anything...

Its shocking, its disbelief, you always think that they'll walk through that front door.

And its all one big mistake.

Oh God, why can't it be just one big mistake?

But you have to remember...

There is one who can make all your raining days sun shining again...

There is one who you can go too, there is one who you can turn too

There is one who will understand your pain.

No matter what.

And He's got a plan for this, I'm not sure what, and I sure wish I did.

As right now, in my eyes, this world does not seem fair.

But I know I have to trust, until the end and see..His master plan

And I have to trust,

That everything will be okay, once again.

And perhaps, our hearts, will heal.

_____________________________________________________

These Hands...

They clap, and they snap. I'll sing and I'll dance for You.

These hands,

I will lift them up to praise You,

These hands, I clap and shout and praise Your holy name!

These hands..

With these hands, I will surrender my life to You.

With these hands....

These hands, I offer my heart to you,

These hands, please Father lift me up, grasp them and lead me on.

With Your hands, please guide me, please show me the right way.

With Your hands, please hold me, and never let go.

With my hands in Your hands LORD, I will never be alone...

And I will never let go...Of Your Hands.

As they are..My saving grace, my support when I am weak.

Your hands, are everything that is holding me up when I fall.

So Father, please never let go...Of my hands...
________________________________________________
I see their pain, I see it written in their eyes…I see the hurt, covering every word that they utter…Oh Lord…Is there anything I can do? Is there anything I can say? Oh God…please help them….

I see the tears in their eyes…their tears mingle with their words..I wish there was a way I could help more…being a listening ear doesn’t always cut it...
Oh Lord…its hard…to see the pain, to see their tears, to see the hurt written across their face…and not knowing how to fix it..If I could I would..change everything to make their world alright..

Oh Lord please help them to see You through me…help me to show them how Great you ARE! Help them to open their eyes..to know that you create all things that you heal all their hurts…God…Please they need you…
I am so unsure…I don’t know what to say…I don’t know what to do..to make everything okay…As its not okay…There is nothing I can do or say…Only God can…I wish there was a way to make other people see YOU…

I see other people not understanding them…not taking the time of day to care…Is it really that hard? All we ever want is a little respect and a little love. That’s all…Is it really that hard?

All it takes is a smile on your face. To brighten someones day…Is it really that difficult? One nice thing can make all the difference. So what if they annoy you, so what if they just dissed you, who cares if they just cut you off? Did Jesus? IF we are all suppose to be like Him…..Then why don’t we all act like Him..? I am just as guilty…but I am learning…A little respect, a little love, and a smile on your face can make all the difference in the world.

You have no right to judge a person until you have been in their shoes and lived their life.
__________________________________________________________________________
As I am getting older,
I am seeing life, as it is like when you toss a stone in a still pond. You see all the ripples...
The throwing of the pebble/stone is the act.
The splash is you, and whatever happens in your life.
The ripples are the impact on other peoples lives.
The biggest ripples are the ones who are closest to you, like family, and best friends.
As they get smaller and wider, it shows you that the choice, effects all those other people, that may even be like your second cousin once removed.
And that no matter what you do, or say.
Your choices in life effects someone. And usually...
Its the ones closest to you that are effected the most.
Kind of scary no?
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Hey I've heard about You

I've seen Your works.

I think You even know me by name

But I gotta ask You

Who are You really?

Who are You that You would do so much for me?

Who are You that You could love me so?

Hey, I think I've heard You speak to me before

I think You've reassured me, time and time again

I know You've been there no matter what.

But I gotta know,

Why me?

Why chose someone so insignificant?

Why chase after me? When I've done nothing significant?

Why me? What have I done to deserve this?

Hey, I think its time I get to know You better,

You seem like a true kindred spirit,

I think You even act like a father.

I think that You and I can become good friends.

I can't wait to tell You all of my dreams,

I can't wait to tell You everything

Its awesome to know that Someone out there cares about me!

I want to know more about You, I want to know everything there is to know

I want to know why me, I want to know just who You are.

So please, just help me out here.

I just want to know more about You

Hey I'm ready now, take ahold of me, and never ever let go.

Look inside of me, search every corner of my heart.

I don't care

I am an open book to You.

I can not hide, no matter how hard I try

I am here

I am open

Just come, and cleanse me, reassure me again.

I need You

I don't care what anyone else thinks of ME.

Only what YOU think, thats all what matters to me.

Hey, You are my friend and my father.

Thank You for choosing me to be Your daughter...
_________________________________________________

No matter what I say

No matter what I do

No matter what ever happens,

I can't do it without You

No matter what I think

No matter how I act

No matter what I say or do

I know I can't live this life without You, God

So God, can you please, show me what to do.

As I try, but no matter how hard I try I can't do it without you.

So please show me the way,

Tell me what to say

Show me how to act,

As I can't do this without You, God

Show me that no matter what I say or do, that You will be still be here with me

Always by my side

No Matter What..

No matter what I say

No matter what I do

No matter whatever happens in this life

I can't live my life without You, God.

_________________________________________

Written randomly all by Liz Moberg.

Random type of post thing...Why not waste a few minutes?

2011-05-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

So many thoughts, so many prayers,

Are thought of and lifted up every day.

Everything is always changing,

Sometimes for the better, most for the worse it seems.

I don't know for others, but I know for me,

Tis hard to except it when it seems like yesterday I was still a tween.

All my old friends are now grown up, some married off, some gone right, some gone astray.

Some are gone for good, which is humbling to realize, how short life really is.

In this crazy world we call home, how many times a day do we think of others?

Here I am writing this out, thinking only of myself and of times gone by.

I'm not even that old, and yet I'm thinking this way.

What a selfish thing to waste my time on.

Why should I worry or think about the past?

Why not as Paul said look towards the future?

I think that is what I must do, otherwise I'll be forever lost in the past.

And no one would appreciate that, least of all me!

God is in control, nothing surprises Him,

If I cling to Him...I have nothing to worry about.

So to Him I shall cling, and pray the world makes sense someday.

And perhaps if it does...

So will this poem or writing or whatever this is...will too

~Liz M.

2011-05-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

All you ever do, is sit there half way to the moon
Critiquing others, saying what they have is wrong,
Saying, behind their back, saying the same old things,
And telling them to their face that all they should do is be more like you.
Because you've been in their shoes...
Well I got a thing to say to you,
That should bring you down from your perch.
My dear,
You ain't that special.
Everything you complain about,
Talk about,
Are things you still need to learn.
You can say a million times over that you've changed.
But actions speak louder then your words ever will.
So I must say,
I know I'm not perfect, I know I still have things I screw up on,
But darlin' so do you.
So come down, back to earth, and realize that the things you say hurt.
And yes, you are responsible for others.
Stop being, such a jerk, and start being a caring person.
You say you hate sarcasm and I say I hate rudeness.
Will we ever learn to get along?
Who knows.
But this is my way, of telling you to grow up.
To start acting like an adult.
Because if you don't, you will find out one day soon.
No one will want to be around you.
And everyone will think, you are half way to the moon....

First of May...

2011-05-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

By now most of you have probably heard that Osama Bin Laden is dead.
I was saddened and shaken as most were on that September morning almost 10 years ago, people who died just because they were simply Americans. It was a horrible and evil event that happened. But yet now as I watch the news and see people rejoicing and partying...I must say I have been readin' through various friends posts and appreciate the scriptures they have posted...Matthew 5:43-45, Ezekiel 18:23, Proverbs 24:17-18, Ezekiel 33:11...It kind of puts things in perspective...Why are we happy that someone probably gets to spend eternity in hell? Who cares if they deserve it or not, according to God we all do. By HIS grace we are saved, no matter what we do.

So while the man did many evil and wicked things (and I believe he did), doesn't he still deserve God's grace? The same as we do?

If you don't think so...then why?

I mean seriously why?

To God, ALL sin is equal.

And the punishment for all sin is DEATH.

There is 2 types of death, the physical and the spiritual.

We will all die a physical death, but God provides a way for us out of the spiritual death.

He sent HIS ONLY SON.

To die for us..? Yeah us! The lowly screwed up, messed up human beings that inhabit this earth.

Why?

Because He loves us.

Simple as that.

Because of HIS LOVE, MERCY AND GRACE.

We are saved through the death of HIS son.

His SON Jesus Christ, took the blame per say, took everything upon Him so that we don't have to die the spiritual death.

If we believe in the LORD Jesus Christ, we shall be saved.

Simple as that peeps.

Don't make it more complicated then it is,

All those thees and thous...

Just believe in Him, and He will show you the way to go.

Don't rejoice in the harm that comes to our enemies, instead pray for them.

Pray that God will show mercy upon them, and show Himself to them.

As isn't that what we Christians are suppose to do?

Do unto others as we would have them do to us?

Love our neighbor as ourselves?

That is what I've always been taught and believe...

So...An evil man no longer walks upon this earth.

But really?

Who won?

I have to say the devil.

He had a man to do his work for him,

And now he has that mans soul forever.

I find this fact the saddest of them all...

Perhaps I am the odd one who is just writing about random thoughts...

But if this makes sense to anyone...

Then I am glad I'm not totally crazy...

I find relief in the fact that God's judgment and mercy reigns over mankind.

In Him, His time, His plan, His ways, I trust.

~Liz

Just been thinkin'

2011-04-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Life is always changing on me. I've discovered I no longer find the fun in spending the whole day chatting with people online. Nor do I really find the joy in talking to people I barely know online.
I guess I've done what most people eventually do..
Grow up.
I'm not sure if its just me, or what, but I've been looking towards my future lately. Maybe its because I am done with college, and that it is just the social norm.
Or perhaps it is just God telling me that the way I use to spend my life, is now over and it is time to grow up.
Not sure, who knows.
Life is always changing, the unexpected happens, people change, people get older.
One thing that won't ever change is God.
That we can all count on :-)

Although, no matter how much I change or don't talk on IM anymore..
There is a such thing as a telephone and texting that I much prefer anyhow;)
Haha...

~Liz

Blah.

2011-04-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

Somehow, someway,
I apparently came down with the flu this morning...
I hate the flu. Pretty much the same bug as I had at CBCC, sick for a few hrs then better. Yay me?
Blah.
At least this time I was at home, and home doesn't "Isolate" me to my room or anything...Now my mom will tell 'You are NOT going anywhere tonight!' but hey...at least I can still raid the kitchen for something to drink;)
Tonight I am missing church and its undecided if I am working the next 2 days for some friends of my family. Hoping I can....but we shall see...
God has everything under control....
And to avoid being sick is why I take naps....And I missed 2 days worth of naps..;) Gosh that kinda makes me sound...really old?
Life will get better...same as my stomach AT LEAST, I don't have school hehe:)
(Clark College has awarded me the degree of AAS in Bakery Management. Awesome:D )
Adios...
~Liz

2011-04-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I stop, and wonder about you...
I wonder if you ever think of me...
The other day I had a dream about you,
That we were like we use to be,
You stretched out your hand, and took mine.
Said baby lets go and have some fun,
And we ran, ran into the meadows,
We ran, until we could run no more.
Laughing and joking, having a ball,
And when I awoke, I was almost crying,
Remembering how much I had loved you,
One time, long ago,
I had a dream about you...
Now I'm wondering, do you ever think of me?
Do you ever wonder, what could've been?
What should've been?
I had a dream about you...
Just the other night, and from now until always,
Baby, I'll never forget you.

~Liz M.
**Fiction**

What could?

2011-03-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

How amazing it will be, to stand in His presence,
How wonderful it will be to experience His radiant light

What could be better than that?
What could be better then this?
To be able to run into His arms and have nothing ever go wrong again?
What could be better?
Then to experience His grace,
To feel His loving embrace upon me,
What could be better then this?

How amazing it will be, to walk among the gardens with Him,
How wonderful it will be, to hear His voice everyday,

What could be better than that?

What could be better then this?

To be able to speak with Him daily, and understand His ways,

What could be better?

Then to experience His grace,

To feel His loving embrace upon me,

What could be better then this?

To feel the grace and mercy, to hear about His plans,

To see all the people of old, to hear of their stories about Him,

Yes, Heaven will be a place where it will all come true, a fairy tale ending mine will be,

When I awake someday on Heaven's shores.

But until that day comes, and while I'm on this earth,

I shall continue to write and sing praises for my God and King!

~Liz

Give it up

2011-03-22T23:46:00.000-07:00

So you've been turned down again, and again,
Are you gonna give up?
Everything isn't what it seemed and the glittery things aren't as pretty up close..
Are you gonna give up?
Give up your dream to make it big?
Are you gonna give it up?
Just because life got tough,
Are you gonna give it up?
Why?
Why now?
Why start?
Why are you gonna give it up?
Just because the road ain't that easy,
Whoever said it was gonna be?
So why give it, give it all up?
For nothing?
You are young, you got a life a head of you,
So why worry, why fret, pet.
Just live it up!
Don't give up hope!
Don't give up your dream,
You are gonna make it somehow,
You are gonna be someone someday,
Keep smiling, as long as the stars keep shinnin',
Don't give it all up,
Don't give it all away,
Keep fighting, get back in there,
And don't give up!

~Liz M.

Faith of A Child

2011-03-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

Please LORD may You grant me the faith of a child,
For when I need it most,
Please LORD may You grant me the faith of a child,
For when I am lost and alone,
Please LORD may You grant me the faith of a child,
So I can be like a kid once again,
And love You until the end of times...

The faith of a child, is so sweet to look upon,
It is so trusting, even when times are hard,
They just look up at You and say they believe...
Oh LORD, may I have that again?

For when I am lost, and alone,
For when I'm scared that I've lost my way,
When I can't decide which road to take,
please take my hand, and guide me once again

Please LORD may You grant me the faith of a child,
so I can run into your arms once again,
I've been running all my life,
I don't know where to turn, I don't know where to go,
So please grant me a child like faith again...

I want to run, I want to be free of all these burdens that are upon me,
I want peace, I want love, I want You God,
So please Heavenly Father,
All that I am asking..
Is for..
The faith of a child,
To know that You do care, and will always be there...

Please LORD may You grant me the faith of a child,
So I can be like a kid once again,
And love You until the end of times...

~Liz M.

When...

2011-03-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

When your heart is screaming because it has been hurt,

When your head is yelling because everyone won't leave you alone,

When your tongue is bleeding because you keep biting it to not say anything at all...

That is when you cry out to Jesus....

Because that is the only thing left to do.

Is to cry out to Jesus....

~Liz

The Garden

2011-03-16T02:18:00.000-07:00

The Garden,
I went walking one morning with Him in a garden,
As we were talking and hanging out,
He suddenly stopped to pull some weeds,
I asked Him, why he was bothering with just a few small weeds,
He told me that, those few weeds would grow up to be bigger weeds,
And thus can cause problems for the good plants in the garden.
As He tossed the weeds to the side of the path,
I glanced down upon them and noticed that they said..
"Pride", "Anger", and even "Selfishness",
I stopped in shock, and asked what type of weeds were they,
He answered that they were the things in life that can hamper growth in the garden of your life
I asked Him who's life this garden was...
He replied..
Yours.

~Liz M.

:-(

2011-03-13T21:32:00.000-07:00

My heart has been layed out for all to see
My heart is laying there and bleedin'
It has been trampled on,
Stepped upon,
Cursed upon, and even spit upon,
I don't understand...
Why this is all happening to me,
I try my best to see through the pain,
The aching pain is almost too much to bear,
I've tried it all,
I've tried ignorin' it,
I've tried sucking it up,
Pretending it doesn't matter,
but in all actual reality.
It matters.
But I, cannot help but feel this way,
I don't know anyother way,
So will someone please show me the way?
The way out of pain?
The way out of this world?
I need a place to go too,
A place that is filled with peace,
A place that will accept me, as me.
I need someone to care,
Someone who will pick up all these pieces that I have left along side this road...
That I'm on...
Consider this my 911 call,
From an accident on the side of the path...
Where I have crashed and burned.
And nothing is left,
I want nothing that is old.
All I want are things to be bright and beautiful again.
This is who I am,
The inside and out,
If you want to know me...
Then please stop and consider these words...
I've been wounded so many times before,
I know I'll continue to always be hurt,
It seems to be a trend in my life,
I don't always trust easily...
And when the trust is broken...
I don't usually trust much again...
I am just a hurting broken person,
The same as everyone else,
But I do know that no matter what the world throws at me,
I got Jesus on my side to see me through..
Do you?

~Liz

MARCH!

2011-03-05T01:28:00.000-08:00

It
Is
Here.
Now.
MARCH!
Means...
S
P
R
I
N
G
!
!
!
!
!
Then
S
U
M
M
E
R
!
!
!
!
!
!
I'm kinda excited about warmer weather...just sayin'
At CBCC I didn't get much of a summer...and only a few days when I was at home in Sept-early Oct.
So
I missed out on it:(
Made me sad.
Now
I won't as I will be home this summer.
I'm excited by this fact:)

By the way..
Life is weird/crazy/interesting.
I said I never wanted to lead a small group again right?
Guess what I'm doing..
Yep...Starts on Tue, leading it with my friend Christina..
It's gonna rock.
Just sayin'
Also!
Helping out more at church...
Life.
Is interesting.
I can no longer be the back row baptist...
Kinda miss those days..
BUT
I like having friends
Ok.
Sleep.
Friend moving in tomorrow.
Kinda need sleep....otherwise tomorrow may not go as well..
Esh.
Okay!
Night.
~Liz

Today....

2011-02-25T20:22:00.000-08:00

I've barely done anything...
You know?
I like that fact.
Too many days doing too many things...
I stayed in bed a lot today.
Why?
Because I don't want to get sick..
Why do I feel like I'm getting sick?
No idea...
But feeling cruddy and having zip energy..
Made me decide that today was a lazy day :-)
I don't get many of those anymore...
So I took it!
I suppose I should either write a paper...study...or something else productive...
Eh.
We'll see..
~Liz

(_~)

2011-02-22T23:45:00.000-08:00

You were younger than I,
So filled with life they all say,
But in one night, you decided to give it all away,
To take this life you deemed unworthy,
Did you not consider all the ones you would leave behind?
Did you not know about all the people who cared?
Who wish for one more last goodbye?
Cannot you not see now, that when you pulled that trigger,
It triggered something greater?
It started a wave of grief,
A wave of pain, a shock going to through a small town,
All because of you,
Is this what you wanted?
To be remembered?
Well you made your impact...
But couldn't you have done it without leaving so much pain in your wake?
I didn't know you,
Had no clue you existed until the other day,
Now everyone knows who you were,
And now will wonder...who you could've become.
Just because, you decided to die so young.
A mother will forever mourn the loss of a son,
A small town will always think of the bullied and abused,
Friends shall never forget,
And people will always wonder.
Why?

Can't complain...

2011-02-20T23:25:00.000-08:00

I can't..
But I want too...
But I choose not too.
As it was my choice.
Prior commitments are also more important.
Changing your mind or plans because something better came along.
Is really lame.
So I don't...
Even if later I KIND of wish I had,
But in reality, I really don't.
I know what bothers me, and I shouldn't let it bother me, so I'm not going to let it bother me anymore.
My life..
Is as this blog post...
Confusing.
HA!

I just read someone whom I call a friend's blog. Turns out he is a writer, I had seen a written story about his experienced while hiking and just had chalked it up to that was about it...I didn't realize that he wrote short stories as well...
I have to say, I am impressed, and I have successfully killed almost an hour of my time reading it. I enjoyed reading it...would continue to read even more...I do need to get some sleep.
Soon.
Keyboard marks on your forehead aren't very becoming apparently...Then again...when have I ever cared about that?
~Liz

I cannot

2011-02-18T21:57:00.000-08:00

I cannot comprehend,
How Amazing Your love is,
I cannot see beyond this world,
To the Heaven's glory road,
But I have faith in You
That everything that You've promised,
Shall forever come true.

I cannot understand Your ways,
How wonderful You treat me,
Even when I fall and fail again and again...
Your mercy and grace, stretches far beyond this place.
And I have come to Your feet,
To worship You,
Oh Lord,

How come, how come,
Do You love me so?
How come, how come,
You forgive me so?
How come, how come?
Do You call me to Your side?
When I'm not even worthy to touch Your feet?

I cannot imagine how You must've felt.
That night in the garden,
As You knew what was to come,
A Father and a Son,
About to be separated,
Pain and aching to come,
All for us?

I do not understand, I cannot comprehend,
How come You bid me to You,
All I know and see,
Is that You will always love me.
For this I thank You,
For this I shall forever worship You.
My Lord,
My God,
My King.

~Liz M.

Imaginary World

2011-02-18T21:21:00.000-08:00

My hearts been wounded, oh so many times.
But no one knows,
I keep all things hidden inside,
For the safety of sanity.
If I pretend, that I am alright,
Then my world's gonna be okay, somehow.
If I just pretend, in this imaginary world,
That all the guys are gentlemen,
And all the girls are my best friends.
Then I shall be okay, in my own imaginary world.
They say...
That time heals all wounds,
That I shall forgive and forget,
I can't say I disagree,
But I can say that isn't what I believe right now,
Because right now, my world has collapsed.
All my dreams have shattered,
I have to pick up the pieces,
One by one,
Because even in an imaginary world,
Things can happen...
So I shall change my dream, yet again,
I shall dream a bigger dream,
Of Someone who will care,
As I am tired of picking up these pieces alone.
I need Someone, oh Someone, to help me.
Someone, oh Someone, to carry me out of this fallen,
Imaginary world.

{}_{}

2011-02-17T19:24:00.000-08:00

As I walk over, I try to avoid Your eyes,

But the intensity of Your face causes me to lift mine to meet Your eyes.

As our eyes meet, my heart skips a beat.

I see all the love in Your eyes then I could ever imagine...

So as I stop a few feet from you, you keep beckoning me closer, and closer until I reach Your embrace.

I feel all the shame, hurt and even the anger I had felt melt away

As Your face looks down at me, and in that look, it changes everything,

Everything is forgiven in a single gaze upon me.

So I thank You my Lord,

For always loving me, and never leaving me alone.

~Liz M.

Life as we know it...

2011-02-15T23:55:00.000-08:00

Life as we know it, won't always be this way.
Sometimes our hearts get broken,
Sometimes we can't get over the hurts,
The words, the actions, the feels,
Anything that caused us the pain that we now feel.
The pain that makes us feel like our hearts have been trampled upon.
It seems too great of a challenge to get over.
It is easier to sit back and whither in pain.
To never move again.
But life as we know it won't always be this way.
Right now, the heart is slowly mending,
Slowly forgetting, slowly healing.
To be over the hurts, the pains and the aches.
To not sit back and whither and die.
To move on is what we really desire.
Shall we really accomplish this on our own?
Is this possible?
Can we reach that desired state of peace of mind,
A whole heart, one without cracks and isn't left bleeding?
I say we can,
Though we cannot do it on our own,
We need His help, and His love.
His love is the only thing that heals our broken hearts,
His love is the only thing that can sustain us,
His love is the only thing that can bring us..
Much desired peace.
After you know His love,
Life shall never be the same.

~Liz.
P.S. Wishes...are just Wishes (By superchic(k) )

V-Day

2011-02-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

Not Veterns...
Valentines...
I only make cracks at it because...1, its kind of a pointless day. The Bible says we are ALWAYS suppose to love people. NOT just on Feb 14th :P
2, I'm morbid.
3, I'm still single so I have every right to be as morbid, and horrible as I want to be about it.
Why?
Because I can.
Not because I'm depressed that I'm single, no.
Because I simply can, it is called the freedom of speech.
I am dead tired, and really want sleep. But if I get sleep now, I won't later...not sure which is worse..:P
Meh.
Though...
Love does suck when it isn't meant to be.
I'm not one of those girls who hasn't EVER been asked out..
I have been, just either the guy backs out, or crud happens.
And people wonder why I have trust issues..:P
I'm over and out...
But I hope everyone does have a wonderful Valentines Day, so excited for the 50% off chocolate tho! Not gonna lie..;)
Later...
~Liz

???

2011-02-12T01:40:00.001-08:00

So...

Guys are just jerks and scum bags....

While girls are the most confusing creatures to walk the face of this planet.

People really need to learn to communicate better..:P

~Liz

Another Day

2011-02-09T00:20:00.000-08:00

I remember when we were small, and we were all smiles,
Like there wasn't anything wrong at all...
I remember you running around and just having a good time.
Like nothing else was on your mind.
I didn't have a clue about how ill you were,
I remember how sad I was when I had to leave from our play,
But I remember you promised me we would play another day.
Another day when we could play for a longer time,
Another day when our mamas wouldn't say, its time to go to soon...
Another day.
A few years later, we weren't even 8 years old.
I remember going to your house, with my grandma and mama.
I kept hoping that I would see you, even though I knew you weren't well.
I still hoped just to be able to speak with you.
I remember how disappointed I was when your mama said,
That you were resting and couldn't come out to play.
I knew then how sick you really must've been,
And it made me sad inside.
Oh how I wished then I could have said,
Another day,
I'll come back another day,
We may not be able to play like we use too,
But we can still do somethin' else.
Another day.
Oh another day away...
I remember how I felt when I had heard you no longer were on this earth.
I just couldn't believe, that my friend was gone.
While I know now, I didn't really know you at all.
But you have always had a special place in my heart.
For you promised me, another day.
So I know now that I am older and wiser,
I know how sick you were,
I know that there wasn't anything anyone could do to save your life.
You were here for a while, and now your gone above.
Someday I know that when I go as well,
You will meet me at Heaven's gates,
And we shall have, that another day.
Right there.
Another day!
That day shall come, a day of peace, a day of no pain.
A day when you can run and play again.
A day when we both shall run up to hug Him!
So until that day comes,
I'll be still on this earth,
I know this, in my heart.
We will meet again..
Another day....

For Brent, a friend I barely knew, but someone I have never forgotten, and shall always miss.

~Liz M.

2011-02-07T22:26:00.001-08:00

"Bakers: B.A. without the B.S. happiness bit."
~Katie H.

Best quote.

Ever.

Why?

Because its true!

I love my friends:-)

~Liz

A princess

2011-02-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

She sits there on that chair,
Looking out that window,
Looking to be every inch of the Princess that she is,
Her gaze is saddened, her heart has been broken.
More times then she can count.
She has tried to survive,
She has tried to do everything right,
But in the end it all comes crashing down.
So she continues to sit there on that throne,
Looking on the inside out,
Wishing for someone to come rescue her from this prison.
Everytime she has tried, she has been caught and brought back again.
No matter what she does, she cannot escape.
She cannot do this alone.
She is bitter, she is hurt, she is crying on the inside.
Crying to be heard.
Why can't anyone see that?
Why can't any see through those windows?
Can't they see her pain?
Can't they see her hearts on the ground, been trampled on so many times.
So she shall continue to sit there,
She knows there is one person who understands,
One person who can take away this pain.
And she knows she will be okay, someday.
But for now, all she wants..
Is to be loved.
Is it so hard to believe?
Is it so hard to do?
We are called to love one another, not to break each others hearts.

Super Bowl Sunday

2011-02-06T11:40:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year again. Thankfully it isn't actually ON my birthday, just a couple of days before it. But tis the season of football. Where men start communicating in random noises whenever their team does something. Which can include shouting, yelling, screaming, dancing, hands in the air, picking each other up, and rounds of high 5's. Of course plenty of dissin' and giving each other a bad time about their teams.
I have seen this behavior my whole life.
Today is the day of all days. The day where ~~THE MADNESS FINALLY ENDS FOR A FEW MONTHS!~~ I mean...the day where it all comes down to 2 teams, to see who is the greatest.
10 years ago on super bowl Sunday. I chipped a bone in my finger while playing tag in my parents church basement...That is why parents tell you NOT to run or play tag in a church...because you can hurt yourself...I did...many times. But that is another story...But yeah when I chipped the bone in my finger, 1, I did NOT want to cry, and thus did not. Even though it hurt really really really bad. Why didn't I want to cry? Because my very first crush, a cute guy who treated me nicely, was standing there. And of course I didn't want to be seen as a baby or a sissy. So....I told my friends I was fine and that it was probably just bruised, we went about our business. Later that day I couldn't move my finger, so I tried telling my mom about it, and she kept telling me to stop exaggerating. Well that night. It was black and blue so bad I had no normal skin color left on that finger. Yeah...I ended up at the docs the very first thing the next morning.
That is why my super bowl was like 10 years ago.
10 years later...
I am almost 21, not almost 11. I did not chip a bone in my finger today. Nor have I done anything else.
I am back from church, ate a PB&J (comfort food! heck yes!) and have a can of Pepsi. (I can drink it again! YES!)
I have like 10 essay questions to finish, plus sleep to catch, and chapters to read. Maybe some Wildlife videos to watch as well...undecided at this point.
Nothing else..since Ascent service (the normal church service I attend on Sunday nights) was LAST night...I have this evening to do whatever. So once my homework is done...Oh yeah. I am planning on watching some movies and actually getting MORE then 4-6 hours of sleep. As I have be up at 5am tomorrow to babysit at 6am. I actually really am loving life today...:)
I have the house to myself for at least another hour, and it is going to be a great day:)
So to all the men and women who devote their Sunday to watching the super bowl...I wish them well and hope that they have fun.
I'm going to be boring and do homework. :-)
Adios!
~Liz

She talks

2011-02-04T03:31:00.000-08:00

She talks about her diamond ring, with all those pretty things that make it glitter in the sunlight
She talks about her hair, what new color she has just tried
Oh yeah,
She even talks about when and where she got her nails done.
I look at her and smile,
And then I wonder why I ever wanted that at all.
I'm good with the life I have.
The good LORD gave it to me,
And I am proud to live it the way I am,
I ain't got no diamond ring, and I don't dye my hair to match the color of the spring.
And my nails...well lets just say I still gotta 'em.
I'm the girl next door who acts like her brothers.
They might say that being a tomboy is bad,
They might say I should change my style.
But I don't give a lick of what others say,
Because,
I'm a country girl and I am cool with that.
So she can keep on talkin' about her diamond ring,
She can keep talking about her hair and nails.
I'm gonna spend my time talkin' about the things that matter in this life.
Faith, Love, and family.
That is what is important in my life.
And this is why I chose to live it...
This way- The country way.
Oh yeah!

~Liz

Death

2011-01-30T23:07:00.000-08:00

Death,
Death is sometimes a welcome retreat.
It invites you in, promises of peace and warmth.
Promises of no more sorrow, no more pain.
Does it really?
The knife.
The knife stares at you, calling you, mocking you, daring you to slice yourself.
To control the pain.
To spill the blood,
It promises empowerment, and peace.
But all it brings is more pain.
The pills.
The pills tell you that they can end it all.
With one swallow, a fritful sleep, you shall awaken to death.
Awaken to peace.
So they claim.
Is it true?
Is it worth finding out?
All the promises, all the mocking.
Will this madness ever stop?
Can we see through the lies?
Can we see through the pain?
To realize that all of this is just a game?
A game played by a force bigger then us?
A force that can only be overcome by His blood?
His blood is the reason we are saved!
His blood covered everything.
Without Him death is filled with pain and sorrow.
And more things that even I can't even imagine.
With Him by our sides, we can face this life.
This terrible pain, the aching needs of us all.
With Him we can do anything.
Why?
Why do you ask is this all possible?
Because He took our place for death.
Because He has shown us the truth, that the other force, is the master of all lies.
The master of pain and suffering.
Death with that force in eternally condemned.
Death in Him, shall bring us to peace.
So stand strong! Stand proud! Fight for the Most High King!
Live this life He gave to you!
Let His will be done, do not bow to the other force.
Do not be deceived by their powers
Instead take heart, know the truth.
We live for The King.
And with Him all things are possible, and with Him when we die.
We shall finally have our peaceful death, that will bring us to His side.

~Liz

Not totally sure

2011-01-29T02:01:00.000-08:00

My life has pretty much improved:P
Maybe...
I guess
No one has like died or anything
I am behind in school stuff, tired, last quarter of college. Bruised tailbone, which I went hiking with as well. Did you know you aren't suppose to see black spots when you are hiking? **shrugs** apparently that is bad for you. Oh well..I didn't faint or die. For which I am glad of....because fainting would have been awkward. So would have dying...very much so.
I mean I also noticed on Wed. at church that the pews were kinda moving. They ain't suppose to move...so figured I was dizzy.
By now you are probably thinking I should like go see a doc or somethin'.
Maybe.
Will I?
Can't afford too!
So nope....I ain't plannin' on dying till I am 115 so I figure I am good for now.
Someday I hope to have a few things figured out.
But sadly, I don't think that is going to happen until AFTER the situations themselves have happened. All part of this learning/maturing process. Go figure....
I probably should sleep.
It is almost 2am.
Though I am kinda hungry...
Meh.
Sleep over food...
Probably.
Anyhow...This is the the type of blogpost that explains the name of my blog...
Yep.....
Gnight...
~Liz

Hiking...

2011-01-24T23:41:00.000-08:00

So I should be sleeping...But I kinda wanted to give a sort of post thing about my day on Sunday.

I went hiking..
Cool eh?
Yeah I thought so...
Went with a couple of friends, they both talk kinda softly so I had no idea where we were going. Except.
Yep hiking.
OH!
And there might be snow.
So we shoved off somewhere around 10:30 almost 11am.
Get out of the Jeep, around 11:40am.
We are at Silver Star, a place my dad has always told me I should go hiking at.
I have, first of his kids to do so as well! Pretty sweet...(I am the youngest of 4 btw..)
http://www.fs.fed.us/gpnf/recreation/trails/locations/mta-0180-silver-star.shtml
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Star_Mountain_(Skamania_County,_Washington)
I love how they say the season for use is like July-Oct....
We went in January.
Was there snow?
Yep.
Was there sharp rocks and trees?
Yep.
At the bottom?
Of course! Where else?
Kinda sketchy?
Pshh whatever.
What did I say?
Yep.
'I'm probably not going to die, so why not.'
Yep...
Famous last words? Sorta...as they weren't my last words...
But after slipping and sliding around in the snow, on the edge of a cliff for a while...
And I'm kind of scared of heights and the idea of falling off of stuff...
It was great!
Psh the pain will fade....right....right..?;)
I didn't break anything, I barely scraped myself.
I survived, I didn't die.
I kept singing "Our God" By Chris Tomlin in my head.
And when I was imagining myself falling to my death either by sliding in the snow off of a clip, or having a large bolder/rockslide come down on top of me.
All I could think of is...'If I Die Young" By That Band Perry.
Yeah what a GREAT Song to be thinking of! hehe
I was like no. no no!
MEh.
But hey!
Decided.
Need better shoes.
And I wouldn't mind going again in the summer/spring.
With no snow.
But I did get to see snow this year.
So I guess that is a good thing?
Okay so I kinda have to get up in like 5 hoursish...
And I hiked all day yesterday....plus got 5 hours of sleep last night...plus tonight...
Sadly...it is an improvement.
I have survived off of 8-9 hours within a 2 day period.
It's do able.
I am a nightowl.
What do you expect?
Oh yeah...I do tend to go on and talk alot.
If I'm not...means I really can't understand you nor hear you.
OR!
I really dislike you.
About 98% of the time though just means I don't understand what you are saying though! Honest!
Okay...
Right.
Bed.
Night!
~Liz
PS, I do have an over reactive imagination...
And I think if I ever become an author...I am sure now I can imagine someones fear of falling over an edge a bit better...;)
And in all honesty..
The hike was NOT that bad. It was fun, it was long and took me a long time to catch my breathe...(Stupid asthma..) But. It was fun and I have no regrets in having hiked it.
I would just advise others not to hike in sketchers hehe...:)

N/A

2011-01-24T23:23:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I just wish to go back to the beginning...

To start all over again...

But when I look up upon Your face,

I realize that would be all a mistake.

Everything I have gone through has made who I am now.

And everything I do and live for,

I now do it all for Your glory.

So mistakes and misdirections are in the past

I am looking towards the future and focusing on Your will and not mine.

Your will Oh LORD, is better then any I could ever conceive.

Your unending faithfulness is more then I shall ever imagine.

I fail, I fall, I stumble oh so many times.

But yet, You are always there

To pick me up.

So no matter if I want to restart,

Or a redo, I know.

I am better off not doing that,

Because then...what would I have learned?

Where would I be?

Without learning about Your saving Grace?

It is Your Grace, Your LOVE, Your mercy Oh LORD

That keeps me afloat,

That keeps me from going back,

That keeps me from wallowing in misery.

Everything from who I am, to who I will eventually become to be.

Is all thanks to You alone.

People may not agree, people may not see why I write this,

But Father I pray that You will help them see why,

And perhaps help them see the light.

And use my life however You wish.

Because, this is my wish.

I won't go back, I won't restart this race.

I shall keep going forward until I see the Golden Gates of Your finish line....

~Liz M.

I is

2011-01-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

Tired.
Very tired.
I shall hope that none of my good friends get married anytime soon.
Weddings, are 1, expensive...2, exhausting! And I'm not even getting married!
Good grief....
But congrats to the happy couple:) I wish them all the best in the world, I really do. :-)
I have homework...
I need sleep...
Back to life as a graduating college student wahoo...
~Liz
PS: Yeah...I wore a dress today:P And I actually liked it!

Cold...

2011-01-20T01:34:00.000-08:00

I have been like cold most of today...its been weird....
If I am honest...today has been a really good day:)
Soc101 wasn't too bad...got a 83 on an exam I barely/didn't study for...Surprised me!
Then went exploring in Portland and took some awesome pictures with one of my best friends...
Had Elevate tonight, which we are going through Songs of Songs...kinda awkward...
But in truth, it is nice to know the gist of what the couple is talking about...
Plus after the group discussion we break into small groups (ones for girls and ones for guys) and we can discuss more privately what we think about dating and etc. I like it...I mean I know what I want in a guy, and I know what I am looking for. Probably one of the reasons why I am still single...I've had opportunities...but if I don't see myself marrying them...I would rather we stay friends unless God tells us otherwise. Saves time, and heartache. I hate being hurt, so I try to avoid it as much as possible. So I'll probably end up being single forever then I guess...:P
Anyhow...
I'm still kind of hurt by something that has happened recently. It is a mix of things, which I am only saying this to explain my recent posts. But yeah, nothing MAJOR happened honest. I just had my feelings smashed to smithereens thats all...nothing big noooo;P Yes I'm being sarcastic...but hey! It is my blog! So it is my write as a writer to write what I want to! HA! ;)
So my very personal life...kinda sucks right now...
My everyday lets let everything be chill and not care about much and let it roll on by life...Is going fairly well.
It is amazing how you can have a private self that whithers in private hurt and has walls built up so no one sees. While still having this public self that acts like nothing is the matter.
If I do this to the point that even my own family barely knows if something is bothering me...
How well do others???
Seriously...
Why do you we build up walls? I do because I hate getting hurt, and seems to be every time I try to let down the walls, I get rehurt. I can only stand getting hurt so many times in my life. So in fact, as much as I would love to be in a relationship, I am scared of being one. That would mean I would have to break down my personal walls and take the risk of being hurt again. That is scary as heck to me right now. Trusting others not to hurt you is hard. It is easier to walk away. Though I'm too stubborn to be the one to walk away...
I wonder why others build up walls? Is it the same reasons as I do? To see who will break them down? To see who is worthy of knowing our hearts? I wonder...I really do.
Is everyone like a lost child, hurting inside crying to be heard?
Is this what the human race is?
A person who acts big and tough, says everything to appease his or her friends, do anything they say, wear what everyone else does. JUST To avoid being hurt?
Every racist person and judgmental person out there, are they like that just because they are scared if they aren't, someone will be like that to them? So they should just beat others to it first to avoid being the first to get hurt?
I think if more people gave their hurts to God...I think He could help them more then anyone.
God loves us more then anything, and He hates seeing us hurt. As when we hurt, so does He.
So I don't know about the rest of you, but I am going to try to give my hurts to God, He is big enough, and strong enough to take care of them and heal my paper cut feeling in my heart.
I'll be okay, I was the last time, and I will be this time.
AS God has got my back,
And in 5 years this may not matter at all.
Goodness! In 5 years I could be married! Yikes! And maybe even have kids! Double Yikes! ;P
Whatever is in His will, I shall do.
Where He leads me, I will follow.
He is better then ANY GPS out there.
God rocks, come on people! Get with the program!
There is NO ONE greater, bigger, stronger, or more loving then OUR GOD!
HALLELUJAH TO THE GOD WHO SAVES!
~Liz

What to do...

2011-01-18T22:23:00.000-08:00

So I could do many things right now...
Homework
Cleaning
Even sleeping
But I feel like doing nothing.
Nada.
I hate taking naps so late in the day.
I feel like doing NOTHING afterwards...
Not even eating
So its like being depressed but not really....
But I'm not longer tired! Which is a plus...besides the fact its almost 10:30pm at night...and I should be going to bed soon hmm...
Yeah...
Fun times?
Meh.
I think I should eat something....
~Liz

...

2011-01-09T17:06:00.000-08:00

How come family are the only ones who can cut you with pain so fast?
Hurt you with every word they speak?
Thinking they know what is best, but forgetting about your feelings?
How come?
Do they not realize the hurt? The pain that they can cause?
Do they not realize that while you try to hold them, and treat them with respect, they are not?
How can anyone live in such ignorance?
This I have to wonder.
I have seen it with my friends, I have lived this pain by my own family.
I have come to realize, family will never change.
Only you can.
Either conform to their ideas and opinions, let them run your life.
Or, you can stand for yourself and live your life the way you want too.
No matter the cost, no matter the pain.
In the end it will be worth it.
Because, the only opinion that matters in the end, is God's.
And if my Heavenly Father is okay with how I am leading my life,
Then no one should be able to convince me otherwise.
~Liz

Ain't got a clue

2011-01-06T00:44:00.000-08:00

Life is interesting...about once a year or so I will over sleep a class. Did that today, cool no worries for the rest of the quarter I guess:P
If you read back through the summer I know I posted a small rant about being late to stuff...
When it comes to school and work I get really pissed if I am late and I know I'm not suppose to be.
If I have people depending on me to be somewhere at a certain time, and I'm not because I like oversleep or something I get really pissed off at myself.
And it bugs me for the longest time.
I can be pretty chill with things about others....when it comes to myself I'm not.
I heard on the radio last night? Yeah, about how we should talk more positive to ourselves instead of always dissing ourselves in our heads when we screw up. Apparently if we talk to ourselves when we screw up like we talk to our friends when they screw up. Say you lock your keys in your car...people generally are like 'omg how can anyone be that stupid' and blah blah blah. When our good friends lock their keys in their car, the general response is something close to sympathy and understanding instead of outright criticism.
According to the radio...Its good to have a positive self talk.
Yep...
Suppose I should keep that in mind...
~Liz

Who knows..it is the beginning of a new year...

2011-01-03T17:30:00.000-08:00

So Happy New year everyone!
Hope this year goes by better for most of you then this last year did...
I am back to school, back to babysitting back to life...
I'm hungry..I'm tired...I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night if I'm that lucky...have had caffeine just to stay awake and alert...my energy level is slowly slipping away...hoping to make it till at least 8pm...but no clue right now.
I'm tired and I am confused by a lot of things....

Ever wanted to bash your head again the wall? Over and over again?
Where would that leave you?
Besides a busted scull?
What does that do? Does it release the pain? Or does it cause more?
I've here at this desk time and time again,
Just trying to figure out my life,
And the truth of the matter is, I can't.
I feel alone, I feel like no one ever really listens,
I feel likes they all think that I can do better...
Just because I am the youngest...I am expected to be perfect.
But yet still expected to fail.
I don't get this, I don't understand.
Its called life,
So I try to hold it together, try not to let anyone see me at my weakest point.
Trying to always smile, even when I would scream and shout.
I was brought up better then that,
So instead I sit here, and I wonder as my life passes me by.
I've had chances, I've had opportunities but they lead no where...
I see everyone I knew, I see everyone I know...
Nothing that I have planned has worked out,
My life is a chaotic mess of things,
Stress, school, friends, family, church....everything on one plate.
And that plate is getting filled to the brim.
But I shall continue this way that I live my life,
For no other reason, then because I haven't been told to change....

Random...
Gosh I am so freaking tired.
Meh.
I do not think I shall have any trouble sleeping tonight though haha...
:)
~Liz

Last of 2010

2010-12-31T17:39:00.000-08:00

This is it...
This is the end!
The end of the year!
What will this next year bring?
I have to wonder, I have to guess,
But whatever it brings, I know
God has it under control
So to all of you, I wish the very best
Of 2011! :)

am I ok?

2010-12-30T19:20:00.001-08:00

Maybe.
Physically I think so
Emotionally probably not.
I hate stress

2010-12-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

Ever wish you had the power to destroy something with a single glace?
The power to turn back time, to remember and live a different way?
Ever wish you could take back the words that you have said?
And even the things that you have done?
Have you ever wished you could've said, one more hello? One more goodbye?
Do you ever wish...do ya?
Why do we keep on wishing? Keeping these dreams alive?
When all they are, is memories and the past?
What is so important about the past?
What is so important about the way we live? That we want a do over?
Have you ever thought about it?
Or do you just keep wishing your life away?
There are a million things I wish I could redo, a million and a half I wish I could have the chance TO do.
But alas that tisn't the case,
We are given the present, and told to forget the past.
Told to look towards the future, don't look back,
Don't turn into salt as did Lot's wife.
The past is the past.
Leave it there and let it rest in peace.
Strive towards the finish line, look forward to our reward, learn from mistakes,
As they are guidelines in this race we call life.
Stop wishing for things in the past, instead start wishing for things that are in the future.
The future we can change, the past we cannot.

Compass

2010-12-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel as though I am a compass as
I am pulled from the east, to the west, from the north to the south
Each and every direction that you can ever imagine
It seems I always have someone telling me to live one way,
And then I got another pointing in the optimist direction
I got folks older then I am, telling me how to live my life,
but when I stop and look at theirs, I can't say I wanna live it that away...
My life is my own, I can do with it how I please
And tis my joy, my honor and all my desire to let my Father in Heaven lead the way.
He is the one whom I have given control over too,
He is the one whom I place my whole trust within
He will never let me down,
He will always lead through,
Anything and everything.
That is way I will place my trust within Him.
So no matter which way I am pulled, no matter how many people tell me to live differently
I will always look up, and try to listen to the Voice who can still the waters, and who will always be there.
My GPS isn't in a computer screen, my GPS is in God.
As no matter where He leads me, no matter how hard it may seem.
He will always lead through and will be there to comfort me in times of sorrow.
So why place my trust in man?
Why listen to the voices of inexperience?
When I can listen to the Voice of reason? The Voice of Truth?
So tell me now, to my face how I should live my life.
And I shall tell you, it isn't up for me or for you to decide.
It is up to God.

Can you imagine?

2010-12-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

Can you imagine?
Being there that night in that cold and hay filled stable?
Can you imagine?
What it must have been like? Looking inside and seeing the wonder of the birth of the Christ?
Can you imagine?
That our Savior, our Redeemer, who came to earth to die,
that He was born in a manager?
Can you imagine?
The looks? The stares? Even the whispers that his parents must have heard?
Can you imagine being in that temple?
Hearing what the people had to say? And what His mother must have thought about those words?
Can you imagine?
That the tiny baby boy that she bore, who everyone saw that day,
That His mission in life was to die upon a tree?
Can you imagine? What those people would have thought, if they had known that day,
that instead of rejoicing of a birth of a first born son, that a few decades later, they would be yelling crucify that man?
Can you imagine?
That the tiny innocent baby boy, on that day that He was born?
Yes it is hard to believe, and even consider,
That our God would love us so much,
That He would send His only Son to die for us,
Yes it is because He loves us so, that is the only reason He gives,
And please remember, that our Savior,
Was once a baby boy....

Can't even begin...

2010-12-26T01:04:00.000-08:00

If any of you follow my blog...You probably have picked up that I am a scattered brained worry wart half crazed person.
If you haven't...~~.I want to know how.~~ I mean I want to thank you for your ~~support~~, err I mean.. positive out look on my writing skills and life....
So lately I have been stressin' about the future, friends, if and when I'll ever get hitched, ya know...normal 20 year old things.
That is right, I am 20 going on 21.
Young ain't it?
I mean, I have a cousin who was married by that time and already had a kid by my age!
When I look around at others, I have to realize that my life isn't so bad.
Yeah my family drives me crazy, but I still love them.
Yes my friends are really weird but I still love them
Yes my job doesn't pay much, nor give me many hours, but it is a job right?
I have plenty of things to be thankful, I got a roof over my head, free room and board, clothes, parents who are still married and love me?
I think I am a very rich person indeed!
Of course I still am worried about tuition, and such....
But when I compare my life to others...
I have to hang my head in shame.
I read this blog once in a while, becauseisaidso.com a single mom of 6 kids is the writer (blogger) She writes about her life, when I first started reading her blog she was still married, and just dealing with the stress of being the typical soccer mom.
As I have been reading her blog, she has opened up and shared things on it, like her divorce, how her kids are doing, what it is like to be a single parent and etc. She has gone from soccer mom, to a single parent raising 6 kids soccer mom.
I have to admit, she is my hero.
Rasing 6 kids without help from ex?
Having family not talking to you? Nor inviting you to the tradition Christmas? That has to cut deep. I was brought up with, family sticks together no matter what! And I hear of things like this? It is enough to break your heart. I cannot imagine telling a kid, that their dad doesn't want to spend time with them right now, but apparently still loves them in his own way. Nor can I imagine explain grandparents and aunts and uncles actions.
Dawn M. Has had too I am sure.
I cannot imagine doing so, I bet she never did either until she had too.
So because of her blog, it has caused me to stop and think about my own life.
Why should I worry about such small things?
When others have to worry about so many?
It makes no sense!
God can handle anything, no matter how big nor how small.
If any of you whoever read this, please check out Dawn's blog, please also remember her and her kids in your prayers.
Dawn is my hero, I cannot fathom ever going through her life and still being able to look on the positive side.
Never get so wrapped up in your own life and worries that you forget about others.

~Liz

Unseen Obsever

2010-12-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

I am the unseen observer, I am seen, and am heard but in only odd situations...
I may be here in person...or maybe just in spirit.
But regardless...I am the unseen observer
I see the things you wish not to be seen,
Yes tis true,
I may appear to be a stalker, or a weird pshyco
But to be honest,
I am just one of you,
I stand in the crowd,
I feel like I blend in,
People see and speak with me,
But they never really get to know me,
They don't know what goes inside my head,
They don't know what I hear or what I really am trying to say,
I try to speak clearly, I try to get my point accross
But the words I wish to speak never leave the tip of my tounge,
Something holds me back,
Something keeps me the unseen observer,
I can observe, I can study a person,
I see how they react, I see how they talk,
I see how much fun they are having,
And I wish sometimes so desperately to be apart of it,
I dislike blending in with the walls,
I dislike being the center of attention
How can such a thing be a counter-diction?
But I have excepted my role in life for the most part,
Of being this unseen observer,
Someone who is rarely noticed,
Someone who is barely spoken of,
I can come and go as I please,
Saying goodbyes I do not have to say
Saying hello is only optional
I can be as unsocial or social as I want to be,
But does not change,
But I am the unseen observer,
I am not sure what keeps me back, perhaps this shyness that I keep, or the quietness of my soul.
Because of this you may never notice me, you may never speak of me.
For I am, in your mind, in your soul.
I resemble everyones shy personality.
You may be able to conquer me...
But you shall never be rid of me.
A shy personaility can turn someone into being a quiet one,
Someone who rarely speaks,
But that someone does have a voice, a voice they wish to use.
So please do not ignore,
Please do not keep them at bay,
Let them be, who they are and who they wish to become.
For being the unseen observer, which we may have excepted as our role,
Tis not always the best role to have, nor to take.
It breeds of loneliness, and misery.
So if you wish to become the unseen observer as I have done,
I must warn you of all the things to come,
But if you have read all of this,
Then surely I have tired my best,
All I have left to say is...
If you wish to become an unseen observer,
Please reconsider.
I leave you with this poem and words of choice,
As I walk out unobserved and unseen by many of my peers,
Perhaps one day someone will understand
And perhaps one day you too will understand....
That while being an unseen observer...
You are totally alone.

I've decided...

2010-12-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

That I have no clue what I have decided to do.
I am in a bit of a strange mood...
Thinking about reapplying to go back to CBCC....
Thinking about how much I want a real job...
Thinking about how tired I am...and hungry...
Thinking how many people I miss at this exact moment....
Is all rather stressful...
I mean my life ain't that bad, I got really good and even best friends here at home..
I got wonderful parents, and pretty awesome siblings....yes they have their downfalls, and what they perceive of me probably isn't true. And their reasoning's are off, but I am the youngest and therefore I do believe destined to always be the immature, the crazy, the goof off, but also the most responsible, the one to move out, the one who doesn't go into much dept, I am expected to fail, but yet also at the exact same time to succeed..that is the feelings I get at times from family...
Also add in the whole 50% deaf..
Pshh suuuree..;)
Honestly my life isn't that bad.
Yes I have challenges, yes life does not go according to my plan.
It goes according to God's....err...well I at least hope it does.
Because well my plans sure as heck aren't working!
That is probably most of my problem right now..
Is that all of the plans that I have made...
Aren't working!
And its annoying!
Everything I wanted in life...isn't coming through...
I am confused...by lots of things...
And when I get like this...I barely ever talk about it to people..
Maybe mention a few things, and if no one picks up on that something is bothering me
Then I won't mention it all
Because if I do, I get the whole 'thats life, suck it up and deal' and that SO does not help!
So I feel as if I cannot fully express myself to anyone, at all.
Except God.
I find that writing things helps alot, I write better then I talk.
Which isn't saying much
But at least when writing I can get things down in words that make sense to others, instead of muttering, mumbling and stuttering around.
Gah.
Tonight at church, tons of people around, people whom I use to be able to go over and talk too.
But since coming back from CBCC, I haven't felt free to do that.
I don't know why, but it seems like I've had to restart a lot of friendships...
I've started new ones for sure...
But I'm scared that if I go back to CBCC, it will be just like this past summer. That people said they missed me...but by the middle of summer seemed to have forgotten I even existed.
It made me sad:(
But yet I didn't care at the same time...I mean if people don't want me as their friend, nor care enough to keep the friendship going, and if I don't do the same...
Yeah its gonna happen.
You lose touch, doesn't mean they DON'T Care....just means they are busy and have forgotten ya...Makes a person feel so much better don't it?;P
I have no idea what the whole point of this post is...
Except to basically explain...
I have no clue what my future holds, I have no clue what job I may get next...or where I will be in 5 yrs...
So my dear blog (and to any poor soul who actually reads this blog...) I will let you know in 5 years what has become of me....Who knows...I could be dead...
Hey that would be kinda weird....because if I was dead...I wouldn't be posting. So I guess you can safely assume if I ever stop posting for like 6 months, means I probably died.
Any case...I have no plans on dying until I'm 115.
So I still got like 90 some odd years left of blogging! Wahoo!;)
I'm out..
~Liz

Settlers.

2010-12-20T02:14:00.000-08:00

If none of you have ever played this game. You need too.
It is addicting.
They say it is, because it is so hard to win!
You would think that a game that is so hard to beat everyone in, that people would lose interest right?
Wrong.
This game like takes your attention, all your brain power, EVERYTHING.
It is a board game, that is really addicting!
And fun!
Crazy.
Dude.
And I totally won my first game HA!
I want to rub it in or boast ALOT about it...
But I'm trying not too, as 1, not many people even CARE. 2, Its pointless, 3 It ain't me.
SOO...
But yeah.
If you ever get the chance.
Play it!
For sure.
Okay?!
Good.

I find it rather hilarious...that after having Mt Dew, my whole perspective on life changed. For the better! Winning Settlers helped...
But still, lately I've been meh a lot...and now....Its a bright new outlook.
PLUS
I prayed A LOT.
And I mean A LOT during tonights game.
So God deserves all the credit for the win.
But I am really thankful I did win, just so I can say I have :-)
That is all :)
It is a fun game to play with friends, if I lose I don't really lose, as I still got my friends and I'll have had fun playing:-)

So right now, I am really loving life.
Sure I still have a million other things to worry about, stress about and etc.
But for right now. In this minute.
I can stop and think,
I have a family who will do almost anything for me,
I have friends who care about me,
I have a Savior,
I have a Heavenly Father who loves me beyond anything that I can ever imagine
I have a wonderful church group
I got clothes
I got a roof over my head
I am alive and almost 21
My life at this point.
Is great.
I have a many things to be thankful for, yeah I have no idea what the future holds, whether or not I'll make it rich, or die trying...or end up back at CBCC.
I have no idea.
But God does.
So His will I will follow, till my dying breath and beyond even that.
As long as He is with me, I have nothing to fear.
I'm cool with that promise:-)
Gnight people!
~Liz

Schoolious!

2010-12-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

I guess I got around a 3.4 gpa. Ain't too bad...I sure as heck wish I hadn't gotten that C+ my first quarter of college...Good grief.
One of the things people should know about me is, that while I like making good grades, I don't really care much. It isn't one of the things I seriously strive and put all my time into. I put enough time in to make decent grades, and that is it. I think spending more time with people, God, working is much more important then spending all my time and energy into school.
Granted I am a baking person, so a bakery management is a fairly easy degree for me. As I understand everything I need too, perfectly. And so far all the regular classes have been pretty easy as well. My parents were rather shocked, pleased, but still shocked. While I was more along the lines of 'cool'. **shrug** move on with life.
Tis life.....They tell me this whole 'vice-presidents honor roll list' thing is a good thing.
That's cool..;)

Today I went and saw one of my very good/best friends graduate:) It was very happy time her as she is finally done with that place!:) And I also have finished rearranging my room...whats next is setting up my computer and sorting through like a million things and laundry.
Fun times? :P
Otherwise, my life as always has some stress in it, tired, need something to eat and sleep. Gotta love life..:)
Jesus is amazing, He is the only reason that I stay sane...:)
~Liz

Life

2010-12-17T01:18:00.000-08:00

We are always learning, and with the more we learn. The more knowledge we gain, with the knowledge we can only hope the more wisdom we may receive from our Heavenly Father:-)
In other words...
Growing older you become smarter, wiser, and more time serving Him:-)

On another note...
I am tired, hungry, cold...still have to clear off my bed...though sleeping on the couch does sound tempting...It is cold down here...
I am rearranging my room...sorta. Its like half way done. Hoping to finish it up tomorrow:)

Either case...I'm gonna grab somethin' to eat and get some sleep.

Word of advice though...don't stab yourself in the eye with a cookbook...it hurts...a lot...

~Liz

Title

2010-12-03T16:29:00.000-08:00

She stands there all alone
As she watches him leave,
she wonders if he will ever care to know
what is going through her mind
Will he ever stop to consider, what made her leave?
Will he stop and think what he could have done?
But he broke her heart, he sliced it open with all of his words
He never stopped even when she begged him too
She knocked down again and again
All of her dreams, all of her dreams
Were suddenly gone, on the day she said 'I do"
Turned out, he wasn't who she thought he was,
She thought she married a prince instead she married his evil twin.
He never cared, he lied, he cheated, he thought he was the king,
She should've been his queen,
But he never stopped to consider that point,
Finally one night long after she had given up hope..
She prayed and asked for the strength to no longer care
When the daylight came, she realized, she no longer did...
So now she wonders...what did he think when he came home...
And no one was there...

Testing...1, 2, 3 testing...

2010-12-03T00:20:00.000-08:00

I think my current life as it stands is under a test.
I swear it must be.
Because nothing is going my way, except for my friends.
My friends are not causing me worry or stress for once.
It is everything else!
Is this what being a grown up is all about?
Stressing about $$$, paying bills? Repaying people?
Is this what it is really all about?
Yes I know this what I've been told it is all about..
But come on...
Isn't there a hidden ray of light somwhere amidst all of this?
No?
Oh..
Sad day...
Seriously.
Being broke..college kid...thinking about a third job...
Oh yeah....
I love life right now...
Thankfully I have great friends who,
1, Put up with me
2, Give me gas money because I left my debit card at home..:P
3, Make me laugh and forget about it all
4, Make me realize I'm not the only one in the boat
And I could go on and on because I really love my friends:)
But I am really tired and not sure what I am doing tomorrow.
I kinda don't wanna do anything...
But I think I might go volunteer, depending on how I feel in the am....
Until then...
I bid you all a very good night.
~Liz

I do believe...

2010-12-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

That God is trying to teach me patience...
As everything I have done today, fighting with traffic, red lights (lots of red lights..), and etc.
If I had just waited, been more patient things would have worked much better for me. A lot easier, less stressful for sure!
So I think my lesson from today/yesterday is/was have more patience...and trust God more.
Trusting God is something I really need to work on, I'm stressing about work, school, family, friend, my life, my personal issues. And the list goes on and on...
It is a lot to handle by myself...and I cannot handle it on my own. I need God. So trust more, worry less.
That has been my lesson that has shown me what I need to work on...
Now I'm going to go get some sleep, wake up around 8:30-9am and write my draft for my essay and get to school. Then I get to hang out at Aly's!:D
Okay...Going to Aly's makes any day 100% better.
:)
I'm off!
~Liz

To the death

2010-11-28T21:32:00.000-08:00

To the death of a dream

To the death of a memory,

To the death of everything I once held dear.

To the death do they all sing.

Everything I had, everything I am,

Is now dead.

All my hopes and dreams, of everything I thought I once knew

To the death.

To the death do they cry out

To the death do they all sing with cheer.

Down to the earth, with pity and spite

Down into the ground do I lay my everything.

Because of the cross, I am now alive.

Everything I am, everything I hold dear is now His.

So to the death of my old self,

To heck with everything, I am done.

I've been reborn, but first I must sing,

To the death of all my dreams,

As they have all died within me,

This is, the death song of me.

But in their place, something new has started,

Something new has sprung,

That is full of life and joy and not of sorrow or pain,

It is the love of Jesus Christ,

The One who came to live and to die,

The One who came to save.

So because of Him I can sing of a new life,

A new life He has given to me.

So now my life has a new song,

A song I will sing to Him.

It is a love a song, that is filled with a heartfelt thanks.

A song that is dedicated to Him.

So a new song is reborn, same as a new me.

This is no longer a death song, this a resurrected song of me.

So now they will cheer and sing, and give thanks to the King.

For all what He has done, and will do.

Our gracious Savior, our LORD, and OUR God!

2010-11-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

I can't explain anything,
I can't explain what I am feeling
I can't even explain why I am writing this.
My life is a screwed up mess,
Everything that was going oh so well, is now going oh so well not.
I don't understand
I thought I had it made
I thought I had it all
I had plans
But were they just mine?
I thought they were Yours
Oh how I wish I could just hear Your voice loud and clear, just once in my life telling where I am going on this life long journey
To know where to turn,
Oh God, please take over the wheel, please take control.
I cannot live my life without You.
Wherever You want me, I will be.
My life, is Yours.
Your will be done LORD, not mine.
If it is Your will, it will work, and it will happen.
Please Father, just show me the way.....

Life is a roller coaster

2010-11-26T16:47:00.000-08:00

Well...At least mine is.
Just when I get use to things being on the level, it either goes back up or down again. With no warning, I enjoy the up parts, as its slow, its nice, then...the whole going down part...puts your stomach in your throat and you just feel ill, and see life passing by way too fast. It is a crazy ride.
Not even joking.
I am overwhelmed by a lot of things right now, lack of sleep is pertaining into a lot of things....
And I have things I need to process, things to figure out....
Ever felt like you were totally getting God and knowing what you were suppose to do...and then...nothing? Yeah...I kinda get that right...pretty much...
I'm a full time college students who has 2 part time jobs, still living at home as I'm too broke to move out.
And apparently I'm also the good homeschooled kid who has never done anything.....whatever....

What I once felt, was so uplifting,
What I once saw, was so beautiful.
Life has tainted everything
Growing up everything has lost its glimmer...
There is no Prince Charming coming to rescue me,
There is no fairy tale...this is just every day life...
All my dreams from when I was younger, have all but washed away
I still dream dreams...but I know they won't come true.
Because dreams are just dreams, wishes that won't ever come true.
Growing up is hard to do...cause when you are a grown up, you gotta face reality...
Reality is, paying bills, dealing with heartaches and pain.
Reality is knowing childish dreams...are just childish....
My reality tells me that I am stuck in this life, the way I am at, with no way to change for now...
I want to break free,
I want to be free,
I don't want anymore pain,
I don't want to wander anymore.
I just want my dreams to come true...
I'm tired of my life, of everything never making any sense...
I'm tired of seeing the world through the eyes of a pessimist...
I want to be optimistic...
I want to be that little girl once again...
Who use to dream all day, and always believed she could do anything.....
I only wish...
I only dream...

~Liz

Things to be thankful for

2010-11-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

Friends and family!
Freedom!
Faith!
Jesus!
SLEEP!
School!
A JOB!
Love!
Music!
Cell phones!

Short list....because I can spend all night writing all what I am thankful for...all the things I'm thankful for...that I always forget to thank.
Which is a sad thing to realize....
With that being said....
I'm gonna go crash now...

~Liz

Thoughts...

2010-11-24T00:06:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking on a lot of things lately...most of which I will not post on here:P

But one of which is what happened in my Eng101 class today, we were given this slip of paper. That told the story of a ship that was sinking and we had like 12 or 13 people on a list. And there was only 7 people allowed on the remaining life boat. Our job was to choose which 7 people.
My first thought was like...uhh why? Why? What the heck does this have to do with English? Deciding who lives or who dies..?
I wanted to walk out. I kinda wish I had. It was lame, it was pathetic, it felt oh so wrong.
Sadly I stuck it out, for the grade of 'participation'. I looked at the list...I chose the children & their mothers, and the people who didn't have any faith. And one young girl who did have faith.
Everyone else...had faith, so a heaven bound they would hope to be..
But it was heartless to hear what other people thought...
Some people thought that the baby was worthless, wouldn't survive.
Others thought the prostitute had no worth.
And on it went.
It made me cry to God asking why? Where was He?
What was the whole point of this assignment? I still don't know, my instructor said it was to see how bad stereotyping is. I found it BS and I totally did NOT sign up for that. I signed up to take a college level writing class. That is it.
Not to decide who lives or dies in an assignment, who are we to decide that?
Who?
All of that is in God's hands.
For which I am so thankful it is not in mine.
For when you chose who lives or dies based upon skills and health, you become no better than any dictator and any evil person in the world. Because when you base life on those things, the human race becomes no better then robots, with no heart and no feelings for one another. We have a thing called Human Rights for reason. And a right for every human...is the right to live.
~Liz

2010-11-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like this blog is stalked...by more people then I realize...
It is a rather kind of creepy feeling?
But yet kind of interesting...As I didn't even know I wrote anything really interesting for people to read....I just write. And it usually turns out to be a mess of our English Language...I sure hope my Eng101 instructor doesn't read this hahaa...;P

Today...I've done nothing much but text, and talk to friends on facebook and phone.
I've been...
a LAZY COLLEGE KID?! What? Really?! Cool :-) Doing nothing...ok so I did revise my essay abit...still need to save I guess but whatever...

So last Thursday was my mothers parents 60th anniversary. Sadly, my grandfather passed away from Parkinsons in the spring of 2007. My grandmother was rather out of sorts on Thursday night and Friday. I went over Thursday and Friend afternoon to hang out with her. She is a really cool person to know, but my heart aches for her. She didn't have the BEST marrage, but no one does, they made it to 'death do us part' That is something truly amazing. It is something I want for myself someday. Not nessecarily any time soon, unless God has something planned or some such thing. But like most people, I one day would like to get married and spend the rest of my life with that person. I gotta tell ya though, it is kind of hard to think, that say a 20 year old gets married. When they are 40 they will have spent half their life with their spouse. That is so depressing! Sorry. In my mind it is like really? Whoa...dude...That is intense! I can barely stand to live with my brothers sometime...but to marry a guy? And live with them longer then I have been single? Crazy! It just sounds crazy. But yeah at the same time I want it? Okay, so life has me kind of confused. How can something so crazy? So scary? So serious? Be ever taken so slightly? People marry and divorce like it is no big deal...
It is a big deal.
A very big deal.
I'm not for divorce, unless someone cheated or there is abuse or something like that. But otherwise..I think that is wise people should take marriage more seriously then they do now.
Because come on...
If you are gonna be stuck with the same person for the rest of your life, don't you want to know everything there is to know about them first? To know that they are the ones you want to be with for the rest of your life? Jeepers...
I'm not even dating right now, and I'm already thinking of marriage?
This is what watching chick flicks does to your brain...seriously...
I need food...Food is good..:)
Adios~!
~Liz

Dunno

2010-11-14T14:01:00.001-08:00

What to do when you got walls built up all around you? What to do when you think everyone is against you?
When your heart aches, when you feel all alone. Who can you go too? Who can you turn too? Who will listen as you are crying out? The answer is Jesus Christ, I only know because when I am down I can only say, only say HIS name. As I lay here on my side as my heart is breaking into a million pieces. His name is the only name I can say. His name is the one that will bring me peace...and the only friend who can make me whole again.
So when your world is falling down, so when your life is crashing down, so when everything is falling apart...Cry out His name! Cry out His name and He will rescue you! Cry out His name and He will save you! Forever our Savior and friend.
His name is Jesus! Jesus the only One who can save us, the only One who can heal all our pains and hurts. The only One who will ever care enough to break down all our walls. Cry out to Him and everything will be okay in the end.
So no matter what trials our lives bring upon us, no matter whatever happens.
It will be alright, as He has got us and will never ever let go of us....

~Liz

Life at the moment...

2010-11-13T16:25:00.000-08:00

Is alright...

I have people telling me I need to hang out with other people...Have other people telling me I need to open up more...
Question is...Who? I try to talk to others and they turn into 'stage hogging' esp. if it is over the phone. I feel like no one ever really listens to me when I am talking to them on the phone. They act like it, but not really. So it makes it really difficult to hold a conversation or share my heart if I don't ever get the chance. Leaves me rather wondering who to talk too? Yes people say I can talk to them, but there is a difference is TALKING, and people actually LISTENING. They may hear with their ears but that is all. I don't want pity, I don't want sympathy, I just want understanding. Is that so hard to get? To be understood? Perhaps so...oh well...

I am just confused by people, who complain and say their life sucks. It only sucks if they think it does, it is ALL a matter of the mind. Seriously....If God can save us from eternal death, why do people doubt that He won't provide other things for them? Trusting Him is hard, but I'm coming to realize that it is the only way to go. If you can't trust Him, who can you trust??? Yeah I have trust issues, I have my pet peevs, I've been lied too and hurt by other peoples words and actions. But whatever, Jesus has never forsaken me, He is the only one who has never let me down. And I believe that He ever will. So who cares if I am 50% deaf, who cares if I am dead tired? Who gives a crud about any of that? Especially when all what Jesus has done for us. He died on the cross so we can free, I can live with my hearing loss more easier then I could ever go through what He did. He made the impossible possible for us, so I can live with whatever life brings my way, just because of Him.
So life, you can bring it, you can bring it on. If you kill me, you will only be sending me to Heaven, and hey I'm cool with living with Jesus..and then I know I will always have someone to talk too:)

I am more at ease with writing my words then speaking them, I would say I am a better writer then I am a talker. But I don't think that is saying much....

~Liz

Thinking

2010-11-11T00:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight and today has caused me to think.
Think about a lot of things.
Such as this morning I hadn't heard from work and the worrywart that I am was starting to freak out and wondering what was up. Started stressing instead of trusting God...They called me this afternoon and it was all good. That caused me to think that I need to stress less and trust more.
Other things that crossed my mind, is that I really do enjoy my interpersonal communications class. I find it fun and enjoyable...sue me. (Please don't, I'm still in school...I'm kinda broke lol..;) )
I also saw tonight some things that left me uneasy. Things that I don't think should happen in a church. My brother told me last week that I was apart of a clique and shouldn't be. We argued...but I did kinda see his point. But today it really hit home, it was like wow. We are ALL apart of a clique there, it is pretty much a scary fact. I would love to thank a friend who totally showed me how bad it is when he/she was so rude to me. I am sure the person didn't mean anything by their action and had no malice or any bad intentions. But their comments still bothered me and caused me to think, wait? Have I done that? Have I ever excluded someone from a group? Pulled my friend away from their friend to join my group of friends? Have I ever done that? Is that how people preceive of me? People are generally very guarded around me, I don't get why. The ones that are not, are my friends whom my brother says I am a 'clique'.
I am unsure of what all of what I thought about tonight was about...Except I don't like how things are. But in order for things to change, I must change. It is a pretty sad fact when you are walking in a group of people you don't know, you are not an outgoing person, hate intruducing yourself, and would rather blend in with the wall paper. And you think to yourself 'how do you meet new people when you hate meeting new people?' I mean that is such a sad thought! In a church no less! These are people of God, His children,...and I can't even bring myself to meet a new brother or sister in Christ? If I can't do it here on earth..then I think Heaven is going to be a huge issue...Seriously. Gah.
But tonight really did make me take a look at myself, and at others.
Other in regards to how they treat my friends and other people...How they look when just listening...I saw someone just look horribly upset, and no one went after her in her pew. I thought one of the leaders did but I am unsure. I didn't ask, and when I got up eventually I didn't see her. It basically caused my heart to ache. To realize this is a church, this is GODS house. We are HIS Children, and we cannot even spread the love of HIM to others when they are hurting? Are we too wrapped up in our own lives, our own concerns? Or do we just get tired and so called weary of people who get emotional, or are hurting? Are we tired of 'dealing' with their problems? If so then we sure as heck have a problem here! We are called to serve, we are called to be a friend to all. To love our neighbor as ourselves. If we cannot do that, than what are we? No better then the religious people of Jesus's time. This is NOT good, no matter how you look at it.
Yes I have my own hurts and aches from this church, from people.
But with the way I am, sure snub me, don't talk to me, ignore me, don't invite me to stuff. Whatever. I am stronger than to let that get me down. But if you ever, hurt, ignore, disrespect, even give a wrong look to one of my friends or family. I will immediately dislike you, probably not speak to you, nor even get to know you. If you cannot be nice and polite to my current friends, why do I want to be your friend? Maybe it is a wrong way to think about it, maybe it is the wrong course of action.
But I stick up for my friends, because that is what friends do.
So maybe I am in a clique, I want to change that, to become more open, become less then what the church service has become. To cause a change to happen. But honestly...if it comes down to either continue being a clique or watch my friends be hurt.
I will continue to be a clique until God tells me otherwise.
I don't know, what else to say. I have many thoughts, and emotions on this. That I probably should process and then decide what to do. But there needs to be a change, I can agree, there needs to be more of an openness. There is far too much rudeness in the real world. We don't need it in church.

G'night.
~Liz

Tears

2010-11-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

There is a tear in her eye
a tear that tells of all her pain in her life
But you walk on by
You don't know her story
You don't know where she is coming from
You just walk on by,
Do you ever stop to consider
that she might be feeling cold well on this crisp fall day?
Aren't you curious to know what put that tear in her eye?
Well she was once a looker, a mighty fine gal, who's man was in the service,
And who died to fight for our freedom, and you keep walking by.
She was left all alone with their baby boy,
She worked late nights and weekends just to make sure he would be okay.
But all that was taken from her, from a drunk driver one night when he was 18,
So young, and so filled with promise,
His mothers pride and joy,
Now do you see why there are tears in her eyes?
Now do you understand why? Now that you know her story?
Will you keep on walking by?
Her story is one of heartache, one of pain.
Never take life for granted, as one day
It might be you who people never see, the person with tears in their eyes
While they are waiting to die...

Not sure..

2010-11-06T01:11:00.000-07:00

About life..school...love...anything really.
Which is why I place my faith and trust in God, I am not always 100% successful but I try. I fail, a lot..I'm late to stuff, I procrastinate homework, I am apparently a very private person which can aggravate people. I don't understand life, nor do will I ever really will. I might pretend, but I know it will only be a pretense. The only thing in this life that I am sure of is God. And even still, sometimes I'm not. Does that make Him love me any less? No, no it doesn't, He is always there, regardless of anything I say or do. Even when I am feeling down, even when I am in utter depths of despair He will never leave, nor forsake me. Ever.
With that, I can survive anything...

I can survive the hurts from the past, I can survive and recover. Not everyone will leave and ditch me, I know that in my head, but in my heart that is any other thing. With God I can overcome anything, any fear, any obstacles. With God anything is possible and nothing is impossible.

Try as I might in my life, I cannot stop thinking. Thinking about anything from lunch to what I will doing in 10 years. I swear my mind travels 100 mph, hyper active so to speak. I may be quiet, I may never say much, but I am usually always thinking of something. When I say nothing..and unless I'm tired...I am probably thinking of something either embarrassing or really stupid. That is how God created me, for what, I am not sure. But for something...I think about words people say to me, the looks they give me or my friends, I think of the future, I think about school, I think about guys. Yes sometimes I act like a girl, shocking no? :P

I'm not sure what brought this blog post about...perhaps another mess of our English language? Perhaps and outlet for my state of mind. As I type faster then I can write. I still love the process of writing with a pen or a pencil, but my hand cramps up. Typing I find is easier and I can do it as fast as I think most of the time at least. I find writing fascinating, as when I was 6, I would have to write "Elizabeth" in 2 lines on a card to sign my name. And it would take up the most space. I have always been bad at spacing, either I'm miss judging times or distances...or I'm just sitting there spacing away. I live in a dream world somedays, as sometimes my dream world appears better than my actual reality.
Actual reality, people are not invincible, people do die, marriages do break up, people do get sick, in my dream world, none of doesn't have to happen unless I want too. Its something I can control, something I can control that doesn't cause anyone any harm, myself harm, nor does it effect anything at all. Its all in my mind. I fully understand the Disney Princesses and their ways to escape from their reality. We all have too at some point, when life is too much to bear, when it feels as if you are all alone and misunderstood and take advantage of. Its all apart of life...and sometimes dreaming can help ease the pain of actual reality. So I think now I shall go to bed, as it tis very early Saturday morning...and I need some sleep.
Sleep is a cure all...
So sleep I shall,
Goodnight my world...
~Liz

So

2010-10-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

This is my 81st blog post of this year. The most I have posted in a single year since I've gotten this blog. Weird...

I am trying to get a job that will have me working part time 5 days a week. Then I also have the babysitting job that I work the other 2 mornings a week. Plus school full time.
I like this fact..minus the things that means my social life will become work life. But I am in need of $$$ for school, gas, and to save up so I can visit the East Coast. What I find is funny, is that the jobs I keep applying for, and wanting, are close to my house. Which means I probably won't be moving out anytime soon, as its cheaper to live at home and I would be saving gas. I have also thought...instead of just getting an apartment why not just start saving for a house? Then once I ever get married, or save enough up, I can just buy a house and move in? Not a big house mind you, but a small one that would be mine...That sounds alot better then a cramped apartment that has rules. A house to myself? Would be pretty amazing! :) Granted I figure by the time I can afford to buy a house I'll be in my 30s...But hey...its a thought to dream about anyways...:) Though I do have to consider...if I ever get married, I have someones elses opinion I have to consider. I think thats the down part of being married. Thinking of others. Its a struggle. A big struggle. Humans are selfish beings, I being a a fairly selfish one myself.
Anyways...Back to the job, I am major excited. I may or may not get it, that is okay. My life is in God's hands, if He wants me to have this job, then I'll get it. If not that is okay as well. I am just excited that the people are giving me a chance to bake some items for them to taste. Which is farther then I have gotten with any other job I have applied for, minus the babysitting ones.
Now if only this cold/sinus crud I have going on would leave me be...I would be perfect.
But oh well.
I have 2 papers due this week...so going to go drop off the food soon...than home to work on papers and calling my friend Lauren to hang out haha!:)
So my life...is good. I like being 20, even if people are always surprised to hear how old I am cause apparently I don't look like I'm 20. **shrugs**
Anyhow..
Time goes off for my coffee cake...
Later!
~Liz

Eng101 Essays

2010-10-20T23:58:00.000-07:00

I have decided, while I don't mind writing. I really don't, I talk a lot, and have the ability to argue about nothing. So writing an augmentative essay? Pshh no problem, what do you want me to argue? Annoying? Yes...Can I do it? No prob.
Make me choose my own topic? I could spend YEARS trying to figure that one out. Sadly though, I only have a few days. I drew a blank when it came to find sources to use for it, I don't even know for sure what I will be writing about. And already I have to cite sources? Why first? Why not last? Makes much more sense to me if we leave to citing them to the end of the paper...Blah.
Oh well.
I'm tired, I got a couple of babysitting jobs this week, so I've had to get up earlier then my usual midmorning time. Add in going to bed late, yeah...I'm kinda tired. It is my own fault, but I thats okay...Its what caffeine is for...Which I do have a slight addiction...Not the healthiest...but oh well.
Today I had a piece of bread with some butter, and a scone. And Mt dew.
Until around 6:30pm.
I've been up since 7:20amish, and I ate the scone at about 1pm.
....
...
....
My blood sugar went all nutty on me.
I was so hyped up on sugar, caffeine and just being tired.
It was kinda whacko.
So much fun...
Now I've been home from church since about 9:20pm, and I just spent the last hour and a quarter or so looking for sources. Meh.
Granted Facebook is a great way to kill time...Just sayin'...

Ok...BED.
I can sleep in tomorrow.
Excited! :D

~Liz

Tis life

2010-10-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

So my weekend really hasn't been that bad, I got to spend sometime on Friday with my grandma, sister and nephew.

On Saturday volunteered at the food banks auction. Let me tell ya...one the auction is pretty cool, very stressful, but kinda fun. Second...I had to dress up.

If you know me, I am more than def. the jeans, tee shirt and hoodie kind of gal. So put in a dress, I feel like I have to be prim and proper. Which I suppose isn't the worst, but it really isn't my cup of tea...Thankfully I don't have to get dressed up too much...While I enjoy looking nice, its rather awkward to say the least. And the dress I wore is the one I bought for last springs formal bowling night. For 20 bucks, and I also got to wear it to the girls desert night this summer. So I've worn it 3 times, totally getting my money out of it haha...

I got to model this lamb fur coat with a mink collar, it was a really pretty vintage coat! The designs on the inside were amazing, and the fur was really soft. But walking between tables, and having to show it off...I'm not the worlds most outgoing person by far, but it wasn't too bad. This summer working waitstaff helped cure me of most of my social anxiety problems. Still last night was fun, stressful at times, but the food and people were really nice:)

Then this morning over slept for church and have been lazy all day. I should do my homework..I should clean my room...but I think the most I am going to do is go to church tonight.

I need a job....a life.....something to do besides homework and chores that doesn't require gas....A walk? Perhaps....though I leave for church in an hour...Maybe I should call a friend and see how she is doing...Perhaps I should take a nap....

No idea.

Welcome to my life, its as indecisive as they come...

~Liz

Interesting life

2010-10-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

Life is pretty interesting, so is school.
Yep...
Everything is pretty much the same ol' same ol' here...
I mean my extremely cute nephew is up walking around, comes up to me with his arms up and a big grin on his face....He is so my favorite..(Not to mention my only nephew...But still...:P ) Yeah....I really like that kid. A lot. He and my sister were over tonight, and the kid well he can't quite talk yet...Unless you count 'dada, yeah, hmm! umm! grama, mama' and other such gibberish as full sentences....As I was eating my dinner of salmon patties and noodles. (I'm creative what can i say..;) ) The kid comes over and totally wants to eat my food, usually I'm mean and say no way. Tonight I asked my sis if he could have some, she gave the okay and I gave him some salmon. He liked it, I was pretty impressed...The kids got good taste I have to say!

Hmm in other news my first essay is turned in...I have a bunch of reading to do this weekend. Yep....
I lead a semi boring life when at home;)
And you know what?
I love it :)
I love being able to call one of my best friends who lives down the street and we can go for walks around the neighborhood. I love fall, with the leaves, the air, everything about it. I just love it.
I'm weird I know.
Its okay, honest :)

To risk sounding really girly.
I really want to paint my nails.
I'm no longer in school where I can't have it, nor in a job where I can't.
Its like...wow....I haven't had this freedom since...since...Summer of 08! lol!
Crazy....

I'm gone...
~Liz

I Don't know

2010-10-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

I really don't

I'm busy, I'm tired, but yet I'm not THAT busy?
School isn't that hard, life isn't that hard. But yet I still don't have enough time to do anything? I'm looking for work...Gotta pay my way through school...Need to finish homework as well:P

I have so many things I wish to talk about...so many things I would like to discuss, But homework and sleep are calling me....

But I will say this...
Churches need to be less cliquish and more open to people. Doesn't matter who a person is, what their background is or what. No one has the right to judge anyone, and treat them any less then how God would treat them. When I see this injustice, it really can boil my blood. How dare anyone to snub their nose at God's creation and then call themselves a Christian. I don't understand it. Not one bit. We are all at fault here, I do it myself, when I pass by the drunk guy on the street, or the creepy co-worker. But still, does it make it right? Shouldn't we do something about this? Make a change? Love everyone as Christ has loved us? If Christ loved us enough to die for us, the lowly, the poor, the non-Jews...
Then why aren't we willing to do the same? If we have been given the greatest gift of all...then why aren't we willing to pass it on? To let it show, that it doesn't matter how a person acts, all what matters is their heart. And if their heart is in the right, their actions will be too.

Just think people, before you say, or do anything.
Think.
And think carefully.
Every look, every word, you let out of your mouth, can and might be taken to heart.
Remember this song 'oh be careful little mouth what you say...' When you are speaking....
Please be careful, and please be less judgmental.

~Liz

Yep

2010-10-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

So
Second week of school down....yay...
I'm tired
I want to talk to someone but no one whom I want to talk to is online....hint to go to bed? I am thinking so....
Everything I want to say...I cannot say on here haha...
Gotta love life...

~Liz

^-^

2010-09-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

I'm runnin' out of titles...I am SO not that creative.
I just write whatever pops out of my head....So pretty much I waste time by writing a random babbling's hoping that they make sense to at least someone. 'Cause then it proves I ain't insane...:P

Yep....I'm getting a little more stressed and feeling the urge to get a job SOON. Rather then later...something about school...wanting unlimited texting...Yeah those things..Require $$$...and you get $$$ from a job...And also stressin' from life....alot of stuff in life....Granted I try not to think about it too much otherwise I will REALLY be screwed up for life:P Positive thinking...chocolate...caffeine...and sleep cures all...right? Right.

So one thing I've discovered recently....is that I get kinda meh at others when they won't tell me whats on their minds or hearts...But yet I do the exact same thing. I always am the one who goes 'I'm okay' while inside screaming 'Heck no!' I will admit, I am very rarely honest about my true feelings to people. I have to be really tired, or really upset/annoyed to admit them. I've grown up an environment, where it felt like, crying was pointless and got you no where. And complaining did the same. So just saying 'okay' saves you alot of grief. and I guess if I am totally 100% honest, I've always wanted someone just to care about how I was really doing. As most of the time people say 'how are you' just out of politeness. Meaning they really don't give a crud what your answer is...but I've discovered....some people actually do care. And I really appreciate that fact...The fact knowing that, I got people I can call and talk too. And they won't get too annoyed with that. I got people other then my family. That in of itself? Is just a cool fact to know. Doesn't mean I'll actually ever use it...but it does make life a little easier to bare in the hard moments.
I'll be honest, this summer wasn't my easiest one for sure.
Beginning of summer...an old F150 freakin' runs into me...raised my insurance...Crossed my mind today...yeah need a job so I can start paying for my own insurance...
I was completely stressed out from issues with a friend, then Barb coming, & finishing up school. Not getting my final done, until the day it was due same day I had to book it to Cannon Beach. Came home literally threw stuff together an hour and a half and left. Got there in time to be settled in....everything felt so foreign. So new....and they weren't even expecting me...gotta love miss-communications...
It was a great beginning to a summer...It felt like a whirlwind. The first few weeks dragged on really slowly. But then they all sped up it was weird...still is weird.
The middle of the summer some minor drama with work had me on the eh mode for awhile, and then Mr Reising passed away. And life kinda hits you like a sledgehammer...Someone whom you expected to always be there, who you can imagine is still alive, is just. Gone. One stupid choice by someone, cost another his life. It seems rather confusing at best. I know its all in God's plan, but it still seems all weird to me.
So come back from being a summer away from home....Someone who was close to my family is gone, ours minivans been fixed....But heck the street signs have changed. I mean seriously! They haven't changed for as long as I can remember. And the summer I leave? They change? Really? Seriously? Yeah...
Home is still home though.
For that I am always grateful for, its like I never really left...Even though I did, and some things have changed...My brother becoming more seriously with his really cool and amazing girlfriend. And my other brother knowing more people in our college group then I do now.
Its crazy, its weird.
Its my life.
And frankly, for the most part...it is okay.
I'm still alive, and God is still God.
That hasn't changed, God's love is always the same. So I know I can count on that fo sho.
With that being said...I think I've been a bit more honest here than I have on here for a bit...but I don't know...
anyhow...I got some stuff I need to staple together to turn into my wonderful Health and Interpersonal Comm. classes tomorrow..:) I like classroom settings....I may be quiet...I may hate being in large groups...But I do like being around people....

Anywho....
If anyone reads this, I am not 100% nuts, trust me. I am just a college age kid....(Who happens to be a daughter of the King!;) )
~Liz

Fall is here...

2010-09-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well I survived my first week back to school.
With actual classes.
Oh boy.
A couple of small papers already due on Monday...Meh.
Good thing I don't mind writing..?
Yep.
I dropped Assertiveness, pointless class to take for me. I don't need it for my degree so why take it?
So its dropped. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay...becoming a bit more mature now...ahem..:P

Something that I have noticed lately, is just watching people. As in, when you watch people ever notice how they look in their eyes? How some, have no light in their eyes. Like they are dead? And yet others are filled with it? Some just like dead person walking. No joke.
And others are literally jumping up and down about the goodness of our Father. It warms my heart so to speak to watch my friends get to know Him better. Like they are little children again hanging onto their daddys hand. Its an amazing thing to stand by and watch...
It also almost breaks my heart when I see other people just walking around as if they have no hope. No joy. Nothing. They have nothing to live for, except, kids, school, a job, something like that.
Its rather odd...
I wish more people would get to know Jesus, just so that they can experience the peace, the freedom, and the love that comes with knowing Him.

Then there is always the hot topic of 'love'. I got friends left and right, either dating, getting married or married. Or desperate to date/get married. And if they aren't it means they are busy with either their job, school or family. Thats what I've discovered about people my age....
Me? I'm still undecided. I am in school, looking for a job...but while I wouldn't really mind having a boyfriend,...I do know the only reason I will ever get a boyfriend, is that, it means I'm looking to marry that guy.
I don't date just to date.
Dating is a way to figure out if that person is the one you'll marry. Ya know?
Yep...

I'm gonna go figure something for dinner...**gasp** Yeah I know..I can cook!;P

~Liz

Word

2010-09-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

"1) well said 2)said in a agreement 3) can be used as a greeting, hey whats up"
urbandictionary.com

"noun

a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Words are composed of one or more morphemes and are either the smallest units susceptible of independent use or consist of two or three such units combined under certain linking conditions, as with the loss of primary accent that distinguishes blackbird from black bird. Words are usually separated by spaces in writing, and are distinguished phonologically, as by accent, in many languages.

words,

speech or talk: to express one's emotion in words; Words mean little when action is called for.

the text or lyrics of a song as distinguished from the music.

contentious or angry speech; a quarrel: We had words and she walked out on me.

a short talk or conversation: Marston, I'd like a word with you.

an expression or utterance: a word of warning.

warrant, assurance, or promise: I give you my word I'll be there.

news; tidings; information: We received word of his death.

a verbal signal, as a password, watchword, or countersign.

an authoritative utterance, or command: His word was law.

Also called machine word. Computers . a string of bits, characters, or bytes treated as a single entity by a computer, particularly for numeric purposes.

10.

( initial capital letter ) Also called the Word, the Word of god.

the Scriptures; the Bible.

the Logos.

the message of the gospel of Christ.

11.

a proverb or motto."

dictionary.com

All definitions of the term 'Word'

Is it really that powerful of a word?

Used with idioms and alike?

I have friends who uses the term 'Oh my word!' and 'Word' as like the urban dictionary.

Its used as a description, used as an agreement, and even used for exclamations.

Crazy eh?

All from one word.

Comes so many....

Just a random thing that crossed my mind..

~Liz

the One

2010-09-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

Don't hold back....don't turn away
please don't cry those tears...He'll wipe them away..
No matter what happens, no matter what is ever said.
He'll be there.

He is the One who came to save us,
He is the One who is always there.
He is the One who will always catch us when we fall.
Jesus is the One.

Why turn away now? Why run away?
No matter the pain, no matter the gain,
He is there holding you now!

He is the One who came to save us,
He is the One who is always there.
He is the One who will always catch us when we fall.
Jesus is the One.
Yeah Jesus is the One.

What up?

2010-09-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

So

Came home from the beach today...hung out for a bit at home.
Texted my AWESOME friend Christina, and we met up. The hair salon thingamig I was gonna go too.
Yeah they closed down....they should let their website know about that..:P
So went to this place in Vtown where she goes, right off of 4th plain, at first I was like this is a tad sketchy. But then decided it was pretty cool and different.
And the guy did a pretty good job! Even if he didn't speak much english that I could understand (which granted, not very many people can :P )
Then she had me try some sour plums, basically pickled plums. Holy cow! Yep. Sour. But not that bad actually....ever tried Rice Candy? You should! Its great!
After I dropped Christina off, I tried to get ahold of my brother to see what he wanted to eat for dinner. As I was parked in Safeways parking lot. Might as well get something to eat right? Right.
So I call, turns out he went out to dinner with mom and dad....
I still went inside of Safeway, as I take FOREVER to decide what I want, and I usually talk to myself...
I went through my contacts, and decided upon calling my "brother" Ben. (Not the inlaw, the other one)
And I spent almost 20 min. talking to him while deciding what I wanted to eat.
He wasn't very niice as he was being practical..:P So in the end, I bought: Bread, Mayo, Mt Dew Voltage, and Vanilla Ice Cream.
We have tuna at home...so came home and got to eat tuna fish sandwich and Mt dew to drink!
Got Choc milk in the fridge and ice cream.
Life is GREAT!
And my hair isn't THAT short..just my shoulders, similar hair cut. Just no fried ends..thankfully!
Dukes of Hazard on tv....Heaven? (the tv show, NOT the stupid movie)
Oh yes...
I wish more people would call me when I go shopping by myself.
I like shopping by myself, so I can talk to people on the phone.
Make any sense?
I have no idea...
Then again do I ever make any sense>
Didn't think soo....
I still need my Eng 101 books...Tomorrow? I hope....
And commercials are stupid....
I need to clean my room.

This is just a random, horrible grammar, type of my blog.
Hope you survived...

~Liz

Beach again

2010-09-14T22:29:00.001-07:00

Beach...different beach.

With my mom, sis, and nephew....

Lifes good.

Barb went home:(

Made life no so good...

But beach trip making up for it....

Tis life? Yep!

G'night...I'm surviving on 4 hrs of sleep and not that tired. Weird

oh well

~Liz

What sucks

2010-09-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

When you realize that the people you love the most are hurting.
And there is nothing you can do about it.
not a thing.
I want to take away their pain, I want to make it easier.
But I can't.
I am only human and limited to what I can do.
If I could, I would take away everyones pain. If they could just be happy, if they could just see His face.
I could only hope I would be strong enough to take it away, and I would.
If everyone else around me was happy, then I wouldn't mind.
As long as they are happy, what else matters?
There is too much pain and sorrow in this world.
And somedays, I feel like I can't even make a difference.
I wish I could, I wish I could make more of a difference
I will think over what I have said, what I have done. And ask myself, did I bring them closer to Him? or farther away?
I want everyone I love to come to know Him.
But then, why am I hesitant to share? Why am I afraid to say what I think? What I mean?
Why am I so afraid to let others know?
Sometimes I think I am such a disappointment to Him...
I may be young, but even I know. All choices have consequences. Always.
Sometimes I worry about whats a head...
I think too much I suppose.
But really...I wish I could do more. I wish I could say more...
But all I am doing...
Is wishing.
And wishing isn't getting me anywhere.
Its time to act.
Act on something.
Act on instinct.
Just ACT.
Time to put what I say, what I feel, what I think. Into action.
If I am who I am, then something needs to be done.
I cannot keep silent.
I cannot let my friends live in ignorence.
God help me, but I have to change.
I have to start letting others in, I have to be willing to be open, be honest.
Be me.
In order for others to see Him.
My happiness means nothing.
If one of my best friends ends up in hell for all of eternity just because I was too wrapped up in my own life to tell them about Him.
If I fail...all I have to blame is myself.
God help me, help me to the woman You want me to be.
To be the light in the darkness, to show others YOU.
Let all my actions point to You.
When others see me, let them see YOU.
Give me words to speak, give ears to listen.
Guard my heart, and lead me to where You want me to be.
In Jesus name.
Amen.

~Liz

Yep

2010-09-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

So
Last week
I WAS missing home...
Now? That I am home?
Yeah can I go away again and get away from people?
I liked living my own life without people getting mad at me if I changed my mind about my plans.
Last time I checked that was still allowed....?
Apparently according to some...its not? And considered the most horrible thing in the world.
Right.
As bad as I feel....My best friend has 2 days left. I kinda want to spend all my time doing what she wants to do...
AND spend time with my parents as well.
As if nothing else, I learned this summer. Parents do die. And they do die young. Tis best to spend as much time with them as possible.
As you never know when your next 'bye' might be your last.
I've seen 2 young woman lose their fathers.
My dads friend who is the exact age as he is died at the beginning of summer.
Depressing enough thank you!
Just enough of a wake up call to go...hey...I want to do as much with my parents as I can.
They do so much for me! They are my constant rock.
They are what make home...home.
I love my siblings don't get me wrong, but my sister has her own family now...my oldest brother is dating a really amazing woman. So I don't see those sibs alot...And my other brother is one of my best friends.
Sometimes we all have fights, but the most important part of being a sib...is forgiving.
Even when one makes a mistake.

But whatever....I am young. I still have a lot to learn in life, as I have only just begun this journey...
This blog will probably take me the rest of the way.
Kinda scary to think about.
I live day to day.
I figure as long as I have God on my side, what do I have to fear?
I'm just gonna go for things, if its not meant to be, it won't work out.
God gave us common sense to use, and I plan on putting it to work.
I'm going on 21 in Feb. Written it looks so old...In reality? Its really oh so young...So very young.
Life....shall continue on.
No matter how many blows we receive, no matter how many times we are knocked down.
Doesn't matter if your strong person or not. Life will get you down.
But what defines a strong person...Is if you stand back up or not.
Don't let life get you down.
Always stand back up.
Always stand.

I'm gone..
~Liz

Why?

2010-09-11T21:01:00.001-07:00

Why does it ache oh Lord?

Does it ache to be nearer to You?

Does it ache for my friends who don’t know you?

Does it ache for my one true love?

Why does it ache?

You said you’d be here, so now I’m asking is where are you?

All I am curious to know, are you true to your word?

As apparently according to some I am not.

So why do I ache so? Why do I ache when I felt so peaceful?

How can one persons opinion of me, matter so much?

Am I so vain that I take everything in?

Am I wrong to change my mind?

Did I do anything wrong? I didn’t think so before…

But now.

I just ache.

Why oh why? Is all I have to ask….

I’ve asked so many times before, I know I’ll ask a million times before I die.

But why?

Why do the people who love me the most? Cause the most pain?

Is it a power they hold over me? Is it the one thing that keeps me weak?

I have no clue…

And so again and again..

All I ask is...

Why?

Second post of the day? Why not...

2010-09-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

So I was just thinking...I pity anyone who actually reads my blog. My grammar and use of our English language is literally, horrible. I apologize.....

Secondly...
Can I just say I am feeling a tad bit lonely? I want to be at home, I want to be with my family and friends.
I want a lot.
I will have it in a few days.
Just a few more days...and then I'll be ok...
I get the feeling that this summer? Not that many will actually remember me, I'm in very few photos, and not in any select group. I've made a few friends who I plan on staying friends with, but I just get the feeling I'll be known as the 'quiet but nice girl' and thats it.
And I have to wonder...Have I made more of an impression this summer? Have people when they've seen me, have they seen Jesus? Do they know the One I serve? Do they see that without Him I wouldn't be me? Do they see anything at all? Have I made any difference in anyones life here? Was my summer here a waste or a gain? Questions that I have no answers too.
I can only hope that for whatever purpose I am/was here for. Has been fulfilled.
My life will be taking a new turn, a new twist soon. Its called 'homework' and such...Actual college classes....oh boy? Yep....
Almost done with school...I find it kinda funny when people actually realize how old I am, and how long I've been in college...Yeah...I'm 20, been in school for 2 years, going for a Bakery Management degree....
People should read my facebook page more...
Anyhow I work in the morning...and I'm cold and tired. Deadly combos...
So I'm going to bed. And hopefully stop being so meh about everything...

~Liz

Laundry...

2010-09-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

Doing the last loads of laundry here @ CBCC for the summer.
Next week?
FREE LAUNDRY AT HOME!
YES!
**pumps fist!**

Apparently Barb has been scared so badly by tsunamis that she always has to carry food with her. Uh huh....ok...;)

Well today we received some sad news that a co worker lost her father. Kinda hit home, with my friends dad dying in July. As my friends parents have always been like second parents to me. I've known them since I was like 2, we've just always been family. So just hearing that someone else dad died, just kind of brought back the pain, and as I know it wasn't my dad who died. I still feel like I kinda understand, its hard to except and hard to deal with. Life sucks alot.
It does have it good points, the moments when you just know that God is right beside you helping you out. Especially when you are feeling alone. He is always there, that part of life? Yeah that doesn't suck.
Lately with working here and living here, all summer I've seen clique start and form. I honestly don't think its right to do so in a Christian environment. Doesn't make sense, I don't remember Jesus ever saying form a clique and ignore others. I remember Jesus being a friend to all, no matter who they are. All my life I have felt judged by who I am friends with. And you know what? I wish people would realize that Jesus was friends with the out casts, the Samaritans, and the tax collectors. If people want to be more like Jesus, I think should be more excepting.
Granted, I'm not saying for young women to go up to strange guys and be buddy buddy with them. I'm saying be smart about it, be wise, have common sense. So if a guy gives you the creeps, take note and don't put yourself in a bad position God gave us common sense for a reason...But remember, everyone needs a friend.

Another thing...
I am not comfortable hugging guys I don't know that well, nor am I related too.
Please respect that.
I am tired of guys ALWAYS asking for a hug.

Ok so I am done...for now.
~Liz