Meh

Everything is hurting right now..mostly just my heart.
No one seems to really care all that much or really get it.
Which I suppose is fine, as I generally don't let people see my heart or what I truly think.
People may think they know me, but they really don't.
My heart is currently breaking for my friend, my "sister", who lost her father last year.
And this year her boyfriend who she had her whole life planned around and with, broke up with her.
I wish I could fix it...
I really wish I could...
I have another friend who looked me in the eye and said she wanted nothing to do with God,
I have other friends who barely speak to me anymore,
I have others who don't even seem to care whether if I live or I die.
I'm not trying to complain...or gossip or anything..
Simply overwhelmed...
With no one to really talk too..who would understand...:-/

I'm trying so hard to live a life that is pleasing,
I keep pushing on to my limits, each and every day,
I try not to complain, I try to do my very best.
But yet I'm still scared that I'm gonna screw this up,
I know God, that You will always forgive me,
That You sir have my back even to the very bitter end,
But my LORD it isn't You who I worry about,
It is all these people, that have been placed in my life.
What happens if I let them down?
What if they don't get it?
What if all I am is a fake?
How could I ever continue to live this way?
All this pressure, all this worry God,
Please take it from me,
I can't live like this, no sir not anymore.
My heart is officially hurting, please come and heal me,
Make me new again,
Let others know God, that I'm not perfect,
But please God?
Let them see that I'm a stone, I'm not a robot...
That really..inside?
All I am...
Is just like them.
Broken and hurting, scared and alone.
Wishing and wondering, what this life will bring.
I may act like I got it all,
But reality is...
I don't.

FACT: I am human.
FACT: I have a semi-low self esteem at times. If people ignore me, I will wreck my brain trying to see if I have ticked them off, or done something to deserve it.
FACT: I blame myself or take the blame of things with rarely arguing about it, unless you are my best friend or  family.
FACT: I am a broken person, without God, I am nothing.
FACT: I rarely am ever this honest about how I really feel.

~Liz